Sunday, March 27, 2005

Testosterone Check

I read Hot Toddy's post for Friday and realized the same is true for myself. I don't see myself as the flaming kitchen queen, nor the brawny lad butch gay type of guy. I'm just your average Joe or as most see me... as "Jack". Not so much anymore, as I have aged somewhat and I have toned down the "flapping"(some little thing I do with my hands that I did as a child and it carried through into my middle age). But if you would have seen me today at DJ's grandparent's house, you'd want to do a testicle testosterone check for sure.

There I sat in a recliner, all stretched out in oblivion (due to eating way too much Easter Ham) watching the UK / Michigan State game. The odd thing? I was enjoying it!! I was yelling and getting all worked up over a bunch of college guys running back and forth across a hardwood floor, bouncing a ball and trying to shoot it in a basket. Now under normal circumstances that would work me up because they are college guys, in shorts. (although I do like the ones that they wore back in the 80's better than those loose fitting things they wear now)
Today it was not their hot sweaty bodies or their young sweet virginal faces that got me going. It was actually the game itself. Here I sat in a room full of "redneck willies" and DJ's sister (who is a major sports freak) getting into a basketball game. I not only enjoyed it, I understood it! Now the team I was rooting for lost, but that was okay. I will probably not watch another game for another 45 years, so it really doesn't matter. I was learning the players names, their stats, even what year of school they were in. I pinched myself twice to make sure I wasn't having a night mare.

I finally determined my decline into this strange reality.
I was in a food coma. I had eaten so much food and Easter candy it had knocked my equilibrium off and I was in a full fledged hallucinogenic coma. I was dreaming I was heterosexual.

That is the only explanation.

By the way Kentucky played a great game until that second overtime period. They wouldn't shoot. You need to shoot the damn ball to score points guys, overtime IS NOT the time to run the clock out when your behind...

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