Any Day Now

My friend Silver posted a blog entry over at his blog the other day, talking about Ticking Clocks and how time flies, or doesn't. And about Peter Pan.

Well time is flying by too quickly for me. It seems just like yesterday that I got the news that my son and his wife were to be expecting their baby. Now, it is just days away and the title of grandfather will be forever stated before my first name. She (being my daughter-in-law, "Lil-Bit) has had some light contractions off and on all weekend. The doctor is saying she could go at anytime in the next 5 to 7 days.

Speaking of time, I am sure to them it feels like the last nine months have went on forever! For me it seems like nine months ago and my son was being born. (well maybe not nine months, but the last 25 years sure has flown) So any TIME now I will be posting new baby pictures of my grandson.

I just wish he would wait just a wee bit longer, or is that the Peter Pan in me?

Kicking Off the Summer Season

The holiday weekend was one of the best. Lots of sunshine, food, family, fun and of course alcohol. Saturday after work we went to Mama D's for her Memorial Weekend picnic. I really did not want to drink as I knew I had my cousin's picnic on Sunday and two days drinking would do me in. But about 9:00 pm I gave in to peer pressure and began to indulge in a little Seagrams and 7Up. The little became a lot. By midnight I was at home in bed with the room spinning. Don't ask about what happened during that time as I have very little recollection of most of it.

Sunday we got up and drove to Hillsboro for my cousins annual picnic. Again we waited until after dinner and the sun started setting lower before we pulled out the alcohol. But by the time darkness hit we all were pretty well over the legal driving limit, so we opted to stay the night. DJ passed out in the car around midnight, and the rest of the party finally broke up about 1:30 am.

Needless to say DJ and I spent our Monday at home in the air conditioning, with very little activity. So I missed the Taste of Cincinnati this year, but after all the tastes I experienced Saturday and Sunday, that was fine by me!

Hope everyone had a great Memorial Day and a great kick off to the Summer season.

Lack of Money Not Lack of Fun

In my blog you read of places we go and some of the sites around town, well over at my new blog (yes, I need to get a life) I will be posting pictures of the places I talk about on here so pop on over and check out Around the "Nati!

There never seems to be enough time or money to do the things that we really want to do. With DJ being laid off and just starting out on his new business, not to mention the soaring gas prices, money is tight. So instead of going away for the weekend, we opted to hang around closer to home for the holiday.

After work today, Mama D is having her annual summer kick off party. Complete with burgers, dogs, metts, brauts and of course the beautiful in ground pool. For those of us that so indulge, alcohol will also be provided. With the weather forecast saying it is going to reach the high 80's I am sure both the pool and the beer will be the hot items this year.

Tomorrow we are traveling east of Cincinnati into Hillsboro to picnic with my cousin and his family. Again, burgers, dogs, metts.... will be the main course and of course potato salad. DJ will be fixing that up today to take to share. He was up last night baking banana bread, pound cake and brownies as well. He was so in his element last night. I love watching him cook. He enjoys it so much.

Then Monday we might just hop downtown Cincinnati for a few hours and take in nation's longest running culinary arts festival, the Taste of Cincinnati. Which of course means more food to ingest.

So even though we are not heading to a quiet secluded spot miles away from home like I wanted to do for the holiday weekend, we are still looking to enjoy the first weekend of summer.

Our wallet may not be bulging, but after this weekend our mid-section will be!

Storms and Debris

Storms were wrecking havoc here last night. In the area of Cincinnati where I work it was hit the worst. We had a tree completely blown down due to the extreme high winds. The entire area here had large trees cut in half and debris everywhere. One of the main roads was shut down this morning due to a tree falling across the road. It actually pulled up sidewalk and pavement.

Now where I live, which is about 20 minutes northwest of here, we had nothing but thunder and a few sprinkles. So when I got the call last night that there was damage from trees at work I was taken by surprise. The weather bureau is stating that it wasn't a tornado, but the were "tornado like" winds and damage sporadically across the area . Luckily there was no property damage to our offices, but many of the businesses in the area were not as fortunate.

So the day will be spent cleaning up the debris from the storm.
Isn't that true with storms of life?
There is always a mess to clean up afterwards.

Flashback #1: A Memorial Day

It seems like I am always trying to find something to blog about and come up short on ideas or events in my life that are interesting enough. But as I think back to some of my past escapades I can think of a lot of things to write about. So for those of you that read my blog, on every last Thursday of the month I will post a FLASHBACK . A post about something that happened or something that I did in the recent past or in the not so recent past.

With the Memorial Day holiday coming up this weekend I thought I would share a flashback to a past Memorial Day. Complete with pictures and interesting side notes.

This flashback goes back just a few years to Memorial Day, 2000 . Veruca and Silver were still together, and I had not yet met DJ. At the time I had just moved in with Veruca and Silver at their condo and we were all working for a law firm downtown. They through an impromptu grill out and invited some co-workers. KareBear was there (prior to her marriage) , her friend T came along, Jodafina was also there with her room mate at the time. I do not recall her name but she made the movie Single White Female look tame!
But the best part of the day was the guy I invited. Sad to say he was straight (albeit somewhat curious) but very cute. And again my age is showing as I can not remember his name either. But not that it matters, as I have pictures (some of which I will not post...hehehe).

I invited him down to my room to show him some pictures on my computer. (really that was my intent!) He instead wanted something a little more than just looking at pictures. It may have been due to the fact that the pictures I was wanting to show him were mostly of scantly clad men, and he really wasn't interested. But he looked at them, at least for a while. But then he pulled out some 'tobacco" and proceeded to light one up right there in my bedroom. Aha! I thought, ...an opportunity! But unfortunately all I got was a peek. And another picture to add to my collection.

Let's just say that this Memorial Day was a little more memorable than most.

My Father, The Hero

My dad has always been a hero to me, just being dad. But he also is the kind of guy that does not shy away from helping others, regardless of the situation. I recall once when I was about 10 there was a house across the street from us that a divorced mother of three lived. She had two girls my age and a son that was about 4. One afternoon the mother came running out of the house screaming in terror. Something was wrong with her son, she had him in her arms and he was like a rag doll. My dad, who worked 2nd shift at the time was in bed, and mother woke him up to see if he could do something. He ran across the street, in his underwear no less, and saved the boys life. I was told later that the boy apparently had an epileptic seizure and his tongue had rolled back cutting off his air. My father reached into the boys mouth and held something onto his tongue until the boy regained air passage. The mother of course was extremely grateful and kissed my dad on the cheek. Then dad came home and sat on the couch afterwards trembling.

About three years later at a family outing, my cousin slipped in a creek we were playing in and hit his head, knocking him out with his face head first into the water. We were in about waist high water and I tried to pull him out but was unable to. Dad seeing the situation from the bank ran into the water, pulled my cousin out and began mouth to mouth, quickly reviving him. After we all calmed down, dad went over under a tree and began to shake and even tear up.

Well Monday Dad did it again.

He bowls three or four times a week with a senior league (he actually just bowled a 300 a few weeks ago, at 67 that's DAMN good) after their bowling they all decided to go out for lunch together. Most of the men he bowls with are his age and older and attend the same church. One of the men he was eating with began choking, and finally passed out. A bean had lodged in his windpipe. Dad sprang into action. He quickly acted, performing the Heimlich, dislodging not only the bean but the man's false teeth. He said that he knew what to do and acted without even thinking, but then afterwards he went out to his car and began shaking. The man's wife called dad later in the day thanking him for saving her husband's life.

So when I say that my dad is a hero, he really is. Not just to me and my brothers but to at least three other family's that know first hand.

Houses, Babies & Cats

I was off again this Saturday, thanks to DJ! I love having Saturdays off, it's rare when I have a full weekend for myself. And it was nice. I was able to spend a little time with my daughter Princess and her partner. They are getting ready to move into a new home and I went over to help a little and check out the new digs. I must say I was impressed and a little envious! They found a four bedroom home, with a full basement, 1 1/2 baths, with working fireplace on about 3.5 acres for only $800 a month! It was absolutely beautiful. Hardwood floors throughout with central air. I want to live there! Plus it is out in a secluded area, but yet still close to the main shopping area of Florence. I posted a picture of the house and Princess, who is now about 6 months pregnant. Doesn't she look great? Just a few more months and Alana will be here, and the reign of Princess Alana will begin! I am sure she is going to be spoiled and prissy just like her mother, I mean Princesses are supposed to be that way right?

The rest of my Saturday was spent cleaning house and relaxing. Cleaning house is not such a chore for me, I enjoy house cleaning. DJ on the other hand doesn't care for the way I clean house. I always manage to rearrange the furniture, which of course I did again on Saturday. Good thing he is not blind or he'd be running into things every three to four weeks. That is about how often I rearrange the furniture. I don't know what it is, but I just can not have the furniture stay in the same position for too long of a time.

The early this morning around 1:30 DJ and I were awakened by a large crash, a shattering noise really. It was like someone had thrown something into our large windown in the living room. We both ran to see what had happened and we see Xander running like his tail was on fire, and the large mirror that DJ bought me when we first moved in together shattered and lying across the floor and the dining room table. This was the first gift DJ ever bought me, and I was very upset to say the least. Xander (the culprit) on the other hand didn't seem to mind, but he knew he was in trouble. He don't know the half of it.

He has seven years of bad luck ahead of him!

Shooting Up

As most of you know that read my blog, I suffer from MS (Multiple Sclerosis). I was diagnosed almost 14 years ago and since that time, my symptoms have become progressively worse. Fortunate for me, I have the most common form of MS, Relapsing/Remitting, which means that the disease can resurface and I have a bout with it, and then it can go into remission for weeks, months, even years.

For the past two years I have been going to my neurologist about every three months for injections of COPAXONE® . This drug has done wonders with me and the lesions have stopped spreading. But he feels it is time to become more aggressive with this treatment and has suggested self injections. The doses would be smaller, but I could take them more frequently and studies have shown that people that have been using this have had remarkable results.

I am all about wanting to feel good, and try and live a more normal life with this disease, but shooting up?! I'm not too sure about that. I mean I hate needles and the thought that I would inject myself every week or so just gives me the willies. I mean when I go every quarter for my doctor to inject me, I become nervous and break out into a cold sweat when he comes towards me with that foot long needle. All I want to do is jump off that table and run to my mommy. And then he injects it near my spine for rapid effect. Then I have to lay flat of my back for a good 40 minutes to make sure it is effective. And I don't even get a lollipop afterwards!

There would be no way I could do that at home! Or even if I let DJ inject me, I'd be freaking out.

The doctor wants me to think about this, for a couple of reasons, one it is more aggressive, and the more aggressive we can be with treatment the less episodes I could have to deal with and secondly, a visit to the doctor every time I need one of these injections could become quite costly, as we live in America where health care cost is the highest in the world. One injection at his office can be as much as $1300.00. And of course I do not have anycompanyy provided health coverage. So here I am. You'd think it would be a simple choice. Just do the home injections and get over it. Well I'm not quite that simple. I still have some of that "Drama Queen" attitude going on in my head, especially about shooting a needle into my body.

I think I need to think on this a little bit longer.

Smart Button

Several months ago I joined a Book Club. InsightOut books to be exact. In my initial sign up I received five books for $1.00 with a promise to buy four more books over the next two years at regular club prices. Well today I received the third book I have purchased since signing up back in February. It is Augusten Burrough's newest book "Possible Side Effects". I'm already on the sixth chapter and so I've decided to put it down and pace myself so that I will not be brokenhearted that I've finished it already. So far I am loving this almost as much as I did Running With Scissors.

Anyway, enough of that. But I do love his books, I've read them all and can not wait until the movie based on his book Running With Scissors comes out. Which by the way the executive producer of the film is Brad Pitt, you know that guy Angelina Jolie is pregnant with...

Tonight DJ and I found an AMAZING tool. Get your head out of the gutter, not that kind of TOOL!

It is on our TV remote. The funny thing is that we have had the same TV now for almost 6 years and we just found this new little gadget on it. It is called a "Smart Picture Button" and it is just incredible. By the push of a button while watching a movie we get a completely different quality of picture. It has a movie mode, sports mode (which would never get used in this house), weak signal mode and news mode. Well when he pushed the button for movie mode...WALLA! Theater quality picture. Now we are going to have to watch all the movies in our DVD library over again with this new tool we found. I guess the reason we had not found it before now was because the button says "SMART PICTURE".

Go figure.

Wouldn't it be great to have a button like that to use on other things besides the picture on your TV screen? Like a Smart People Button, with modes for ugly people mode, to make them easier to look at, or obnoxious people mode to make them easy to deal with, or asshole people mode to just make them disappear into oblivion. I'd never leave home without it!

You Are What You Eat

As you can see from my post yesterday I've been doing a lot of self realization lately. I think it is due to the fact of it being rainy and overcast now for the past six days. But for whatever the reason it has been quite illuminating.

Today I was thinking about that old adage that says..."You are what you eat."

So I began to think about what I have consumed in the last few days.

Sunday: Eggs, biscuits, bacon, gravy, coffee, hamburger, hot dog, water, potato chips, mac & cheese, mt. dew, chocolate ice cream.

Monday: Coffee, danish, hamburger, fries, diet coke, water, nacho belle grande, chilito, mt. dew, water, potato chips.

Tuesday: Coffee, doughnut, water, arby's beef & cheddar, diet coke, mt. dew...

If I am what I eat, I'm junk!

Being Me

Being me seems to be more difficult with each passing day. Not the me that is really me, but the me that everyone expects me to be. It wasn't that long ago that I was a totally different person than what I am now. Not to me, but to everyone else. To me, I'm am no different, but I'm just happier being me. Where before, well I was happy with being who everyone else thought I should be.

I would spend most of my time networking. You know racking in the people points. Getting to know people. Well not really know them, but become acquainted with them. I had a lot of acquaintances. I was out most every night, meeting and mingling. I had a party at least twice every year, where I'd invite all these people, and party like 1999. Most of these people I didn't really even like that well, but I invited them anyway. Most of them I hardly even knew. There were a handful that I did know and I did like being around, but the majority of them, not really.

Then I woke up one day and realized that I didn't like who I had become. My whole life, prior to coming out, I was always trying to live up to some one else's standards and idea of who and what I was. I promised myself when I first came out I would no longer be that way and I would be who I was. But here I was again, trying to be what every one else that I should be. And to be honest, I was miserable. And I began to notice that everyone else seemed to be doing the same thing. Almost like life was just a great big High School, where there were cliques and everyone trying gain the attention of everyone else.

Now people say they don't know me any more. I'm not the guy they knew.

You know what I say to that?
Well you really didn't know me.

Now I enjoy the solitude of my home. Watching a good movie curled up next to the one I love, or just hanging out with him, and a few of my close friends and family. I've become a solitary person, and you know what, it don't bother me. It gives me time to work on being me. The real me. No stress trying to climb a ladder that seems like the rungs are moving in the wrong direction. No more masks or mendacity. Just me, myself and I. Well and DJ and my kids, and my few friends. But that's all I really want. Honestly I think it's all I can handle!

Maybe it's age, or my own neurosis, but I don't like crowds of people the way I used to. Like yesterday. DJ's family had a big get together at his mother's for Mother's Day. I enjoy his family and they have become a big part of my life, but by 5:00 I had to get out of there. Too many people and to much confusion, and way too much trying to impress one another, and they were all family. I left, went home and read a little and then blogged a little and I was ready to call it a day.

Same way with going out. I can't stay out long, before I'm ready to get back into the safety net of my own sanctuary. Hell, I don't even make phone calls anymore, and when I do they are very limited on the time I spend on them and what is discussed.

So maybe I'm older and growing up finally, or I'm crazy and got some kind of phobia around being with people, but actually, I think I'm just being me.

Finally.

Have You Visited Your Mom Today?

Sunday.
Mother's Day.

My mom will turn 68 this year and it is becoming more and more obvious to me that the woman that has always been there for me, may not always be there. Not that mom is sick, quite the opposite. She is very healthy for her age, especially when I look at DJ's grandparents who are the same age as my parents and see the state of their health. But mom is getting older. The only thing that troubles me is in the last year or two is that she is becoming forgetful. This troubles me as both her mother and grandmother suffered from alzheimer's. Mom seems to forget about phone calls from me. An example of this was today when I called her and she says;

"I haven't heard from you in a while, you doing okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine, I just talked to you on Wednesday. Don't you remember?"
"You did?...Oh that's right you did."

Or she repeats conversations that we have previously had, many times just moments before. I even talked to her about this a few months back and she became quite upset with me, but she said she would mention it to her doctor. She said she did and he told her not to worry about it, but I wonder if she told him anything.

But, back to Mother's Day. What do you give a mother for mother's day that has given so much to you? Nothing you could give them could even begin to compare. I owe my mother my life. And my sanity. (what little I have left). I have received so much from this woman. My attitude, my ability to be personable, my love of reading and old movies, my passion for music, even my political and moral views are in part due to her. Plus I look like her. Well not exactly, but you could never confuse me with some one else's son! So what do you give a mother that would mean what she really means to you? Well I think personally, yourself. My mom always says she never sees her boys anymore. So I plan to visit with her and share time with her. But I also have a gift to share. I found a picture of my mother in an old photo album. It is of her parents and her when she was just a little over a year old and my grandfather is holding her. I fixed the scratches and enlarged it, found a nice frame and that's what I'm giving her.

But I think she will enjoy the visit much more.

I'm Not the Man I Used To Be

And that's probably a good thing...

I did something last night that I have not done in quite sometime. I went out. Out to dinner and for a few drinks. Now just a few years ago this was my daily habit. Get up, go to work, go to happy hour, get home around 11 or 12 and do it all over again. But not any more. Mainly because I don't want too, and secondly because I can not physically do it anymore. You know that AGE thing. But last night I did.

I met Veruca out for dinner and caught up on everything with him and Jewels. It was good to sit and chat and poke fun at other customers in the restaurant. Of course they were not aware of it, which makes it even more entertaining. After dinner and a couple drinks we headed to another local bar, where we immediately left. The patronage there was not very, well let's just say we didn't feel comfortable. We then headed to an old hangout where we met up with our favorite bartender, who ironically was working 12 years ago when Veruca and I first stumbled into the gay scene. We had a few drinks there, well I did, Veruca was not so inclined. Then we headed to Hamburger Mary's for a nightcap. Again we chatted and talked about our future and our goals.

We ended the night with a promise to get together more often, and to keep in contact. It was a good night and Veruca even called later to make sure I got home okay.

One thing I didn't say to Veruca was the fact of how proud I am of his accomplishments. In the 13 years that we have known one another he has come a long way. He is very successful, financially secure and continuing his education by working on his Master's degree. Knowing him, I know how much this all means to him and how secure he has become because of this. Even though sometimes I'm a wee bit jealous, I'm very proud of what he has done with his life and what he plans for his future. But with that said it is also very good to know that even though many things have changed with both of us, it's nice that some things still remain the same. Friendships are like that.

Now on the other side of that, would someone please remind me that going out on a work night, is NOT in my best interest, especially the next morning!

Hump Day

That's a strange name for a Wednesday. Hump Day. I know it's the middle of the week, two days past and two days to go until the weekend, but for those of us that work on Saturdays it means very little.

Still nothing on the job front, but I've got my resume out and also posted it on monster.com so hopefully something will pop up soon.

Meeting Veruca tonight after work. I haven't seen him since January, it will be good to catch up with him tonight. He just had another birthday, it's hard to believe he is almost as old as I was when we moved in together. Time sure does fly.

Well that's my hump day.
Maybe something more exciting tomorrow.

Fishy Smell

Another weekend update for those of you that care to read my blog. I had my boys J2 and AT again this weekend, and I think they had a good time. DJ took them fishing on Saturday while I worked. Now I don't care for fishing, so I thank God for DJ who likes to do things like that, because my boys enjoy it. So at least they have someone that they can go fishing with now. The fish are still sitting out on our patio in a cooler, rotting. But at least they had fun fishing. I have a picture of Jordan with his big catch of the day. I bet he about shit his pants when he pulled that damn thing out of the lake. DJ said he wished he would have gotten a picture of his face when he pulled it out. Of course I had to deal with the fishy smell the rest of the weekend.

I watched Family Stone last night with DJ, and we were both quite surprised. We were not expecting such a good movie, but it was really good. Diane Keaton as always gave a great performance. It is one I am sure we will watch over and over again. DJ had tears in his eyes as the credits were rolling. Well I had tears too but that is normal for me, I cry at Bambi and stupid movies like Lord of the Rings. DJ hardly ever gets emotional while watching pictures. Good thing Silver wasn't watching it with us, we would have to mop up the floor afterwards. But seriously it was a great movie.

Sunday morning DJ got up and made his great breakfast. I am a lucky man, he can cook!! It was wonderful, then we spent the day cleaning and doing laundry. Now it is back to the mental ward tomorrow, I just pray that this week will be as calm as last week.

That is it for the weekend update, see you alter in the week.

Making Plans

Still no luck on the job front so I am stuck here in this mental ward until I can find something else. This week so far has not been too bad, but then this is our busiest time of the month, so we don't have a lot of time for their drama. I always thought I was somewhat of a drama queen, but now that I'm getting older, the less drama the better.

DJ and I are planning a weekend away for the Memorial Day weekend, but with the gas prices so high it will be somewhere close. Maybe Indianapolis or Louisville. I just need to get away from "reality" for a few days, and I think he is ready for a vacation as well.