Saturday, July 05, 2008

When I Knew

Yesterday, in between the cat waking me up in the morning standing on my chest meowing, the neighborhoods illegal fireworks waking me up from my late evening nap, and early this morning when I finally laid my head down and settled in for the night, I came across a very interesting little TV Show on Cinemax.

When I Knew. This show is based on the HBO documentary film by Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato, in association with Cinemax Reel Life, and based on the book by Robert Trachtenberg. It is a collage of random people and asks them just one question...When did you know? They each then relate how they first realized that they were gay. I think it was a great show and for those that would watch it, they can begin to understand the angst, guilt, excitement and oh so many more emotions one feels when they realize that they are different than those around them.

It made me stop and think about when did I know? To be honest I can not remember a time when I didn't know, know that at least I was different than the other boys. But I think the first realization came on the playground in 2nd grade. I was at a new school and didn't know anyone and it was recess. The time for all the kids to go out and let their frustrations out for having to sit in a classroom with a really boring teacher. Being new, of course I was the last one picked to play softball with the boys. (The teacher split the boys from the girls by the way, sending the boys to the baseball field and the girls remained closer to the building playing hopscotch). I was the third to bat, and I had no idea what to do. I stood there with this huge piece of wood in my hand, (no pun intended) while I waited for this really cute boy in front of me to wing this softball at my head. He did just that. Hit me right in the head. After the teacher checked me over to make sure I was okay she looked at me and smiled and said...

"Maybe you should go over with the girls and play jacks or hopscotch."

Which I did, and continued to do so every day afterwards for the rest of my grade school experience.

Anyway watch the show, I think you will enjoy listening to the stories.

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