Roller Coasters of a Different Nature

This weekend was a little similar to last weekend.

Well not really, last week involved real roller coasters, you know the metal, wood, up and down hills. The kind you find in amusement parks. This weekend involved a roller coaster that is worse than the metal & wood kind. This weekend was an emotional roller coaster.

I have shared with readers before about what I call my job, which from now on I will refer to as the mental ward. I got up Saturday morning with visions of having a great day and a great weekend. DJ and I had made plans to share Saturday evening together, something I feel we do not do enough of. Then Sunday we were to meet at his grandparents to work out in their yard. You know the typical spring work detail, cutting grass, laying mulch, and planting flowers. As it turned out, that was not to be. When I arrived at work I found out that the yard detail picnic had been re-scheduled for Saturday afternoon. DJ asked if we could do that instead of what we had planned, which sent me reeling. Meanwhile, his uncle, who lives upstairs over the mental ward, came down and began making snide remarks about the way I do my work. This coming form a 43 year old high school drop-out who has never worked a day in his life that mooches EVERYTHING off his parents. Normally I would not allow him to set me off, but due to the fact I was a little upset with DJ, I exploded on him and wasted my energy and sanity on someone that is not worth a hello most of the time. Our argument escalated into an all out verbal war.

after which, I was an emotional mess. I was fine with the ignorant asshole, but the minute I left I broke down. Literally broke down emotionally to the point I had to call DJ to come and calm me down. My body starting shaking and I broke out with hives on my arms and neck.

DJ being the saint that he is, listened as I ranted and screamed at how I had to get out that job and get a life. All the while taking the blame himself. Which is not the case, but it helped me calm down and come back to "reality". We left work early and went to dinner. After dinner we went shopping and found a new game to play (get your mind out of the gutter!)

We found Settlers of Catan, The Settlers of Catan is a board game of discovery, commerce and settlement. The object of the game is to be the first to settle this remote island. You gain resources in which to build up your settlements. They include brick, wheat, wood, and ore. As you progress you advance your settlements into cities and expand boarders with roads or development cards. We played for a couple hours and then settled in for the night. The roller coaster ride was almost over.

This morning we awoke and DJ prepared homemade waffles for breakfast and then we invited Silver over to play our new game with us, which he won (beginner's luck) and then afterwards DJ and I sat and watched a new movie together. One I highly recommend by the way, Shop Girl, an adaptation of Steve Martin's nouvelle of the same name. Claire Danes, Jason Schwartzman and Steve Martin all star. Even DJ loved it, and he normally does not care for romantic comedies.

So the roller coaster slows down and comes to a stop. At least for now.

Insomnia

I never realized the inability to sleep was so life altering. I mean I've heard the word, and knew what it meant but never having the problem, I had no idea what it really was all about. Personally I don't recommend it.

All my life I have been one that loves to sleep in. You know those Saturday mornings when most kids get up early to watch the Saturday morning cartoons? (Back in the day when they had Saturday morning cartoons) Well that wasn't me. I would stay in bed as long as possible or until my mother would yell at me with..."Michael are you going to sleep your life away? Get up!"

In the first few years of my marriage (to my now ex wife) I worked 2nd shift. I would go to work at three p.m. come home at midnight go to bed and sleep until almost 1:30 in the afternoon. It may have been the fact that I was a gay man trying to live a straight life so I just preferred to sleep and not deal with it, but for what ever the reason, I was a sleeper.

Not any more.

It all started about 6 months ago. I started staying up late, and soon it became a habit. DJ would go to bed and I would get on the computer and plays SIMS or post on my blog. Then I would read all of your blogs and suddenly it was 3 or 4 in the morning. Then I seen the error of my ways, as I was always bitchy and had headaches, so I limited my computer time and started going to bed before midnight. Instead of falling to sleep I would lay there in bed looking at...Well nothing because it was dark. I'd get up, watch TV, get on the computer and again finally go to bed at 3 or 4 am. Even on my day off when I could sleep in, I'd be up at 5 or 6.

Finally I discussed this with my doctor and he suggested that I take medication, which I refused, as I don't like taking prescription medication. (a long story for another post) So instead I opted to get something less medicated and get an over-the-counter sleep aid. Nada, nothing. So then I tried Tylenol PM at my mother's suggestion. She has suffered from insomnia for quite a while, and she started taking it with great results. Well that worked. I'd go to bed at around 10 pm, fall asleep and sleep like a log. No waking up in the middle of the night, no sitting up until 3 or 4 am. But the problem was that I wouldn't wake when the alarm would go off. It would buzz and buzz and I'd sleep right through it. Making me late for work, and making my entire day just miserable. So... Instead of the recommended dosage of two pills before bed, I went to one. Same effect. Sleep right through the alarm and still feel like shit all day. Groggy and lifeless.

My sleep debt was piling up. My body was suffering from the effects, as well as my relationship with the one I love and adore. Not to mention my job. So finally something worked. I broke the Tylenol PM in half. That's right a half a pill and so far...Knock on wood, it's working.

I know they say that as you get older the less sleep you need. And maybe it's the fact that I slept so much in my earlier days, that I don't sleep now. Or it is as the doctor said and my MS is causing me to have this problem. Whatever it is, I wish it would go away. So far the half pill is working and I hope it continues because I love my bed and "blankies", all those pillows and cuddling up to DJ as we fall asleep. Not to mention the dreams.

Oh dear look at the time, I have to get to bed.

Living the Life

I was not alive 50 years ago and I am sure living the gay life then was very private and secluded, especially if you were a gay couple. Today society is a wee bit more acceptable, and in the 5 1/2 years that DJ and I have been together we have never had to deal with any bigotry or homophobia. But then again we are not into PDA, and when we are in public, people probably don't even realize that we are a gay couple. (yes, they can tell that I'm gay, but DJ is a little more butch). Society has a long way to go, but I'm glad that I am living the life I want into today's society rather than 25, or 50 years ago.

One of the other things about living this life is that most people (including other gay couples) think that living the life of a gay couple is different than that of heterosexual couples. I hear guys all the time saying things about how they are not happy, or that their relationship was not what they expected. Relationships regardless of the gender of the partners is not all that different. Many gay couple (or at least in my opinion) think that once you come out, and find that guy you want to spend the rest of your life with, that everything will be roses, and you will always be happy. Life is life, regardless of who is living it, and from my own experience, my relationship I had for 15 years with my wife is not much different than that I have with DJ. Well except for the fact that we are both men...

But what I am saying is that it takes WORK. Relationships work because we make it work. Yeah, love is wonderful, and finding the one you really love makes it somewhat easier, but it still is work. It's not a party. Some gay couples think they have to go out every night, and party with the boys and have dinner parties, take cruises and all those other things. Those things are great, and I wish I had more money to do some of those things, but it is not those things that make a relationship. There are times that I would prefer just sitting home watching a great movie with DJ there with me.

Yes, there have been arguments and disagreements, and we make allowances for one another. It hasn't and isn't always a bed of roses. But it works. Because we work at it. We communicate and share and the bottom line is that we respect one another. But we are living the life, the one we want, and the one that makes us happy. No expectations, just going to work every day, paying the bills, enjoying one another and one another's family and friends, with the occasional night out, and yearly vacations. It's not always going to be pride rainbows and balloons, club hopping, and extravagant trips to exotic locations, but it's life. We are living it.

I love it that way!

And yeah, It helps that the sex is really great too...

Knowing Love

Today is my father's 67th birthday. Dad is a unique person, but then again, aren't we all. But he is special because he is my dad. I never had to doubt my father's love and affection. He always made sure that we knew that he loved us. Not just in words but in his actions, even when punishing us. Every night regardless of the days events he would always give us a hug or kiss and tell us that he loved us before going to bed. As a kid we thought it was corny, but now that I'm grown with kids of my own, and grandkids on the way I realize just how much that meant to me. Even when my life turned upside down and sideways, I knew Dad loved me. He may not agree or even understand, but he loves me.

So make sure if you have kids that they know that. Not just in your words, but in your actions and deeds. In today's world kids need that assurance.

Thanks Dad for always loving me, and Happy Birthday.

Barefoot in the Park

Well, here it is Sunday evening again, waiting for the Monday morning blues to set in, which they will about 8:30 tomorrow morning. But until then...

The weekend was great. Great weather, great kids, great fun and just great. As posted on my blog earlier, we visited King's Island Amusement park. Here is us at the entrance at the beginning of the day. See we all looked rested and ready to go. Walk the miles around the park, stand in the long lines to ride the 32 second rides, pay exuberant prices for food and drinks, only to leave a few hours later exhausted and irritated. Amazing what we humans due for fun and relaxation isn't it? But we did have fun. I got to ride my favorite ride twice! And the second time I even rode in the first compartment, which made the ride totally different. Of course DJ and the kids went on their thrill rides (those that were operating) as I got to scan the park for ...Well you know, a quiet relaxing place to sit and relax. Well yesterday was not a good day for finding the perfect place to sit and relax...There was only about four hot guys in the entire park and one of those was DJ and another was myself. One that I missed was alone and had a T-shirt on that read, "Ok, you'll do." DJ told me about him after he was out of my line of sight.

The other I ogled while DJ and the kids were riding TOP GUN, and he really wasn't all that. But he has great biceps, don't ya think? DJ didn't think he was all that hot, but thankfully for me he likes them a little older. This guy was pretty cute though, and he kept walking closer towards me, even though I KNOW he knew I was talking his picture. He was also free of any body hair. Legs, arms, hands, chest and face, all shaven and smooth. Now his girlfriend on the other hand, she needed to be introduced to Lady Bic.
And if you look closely at the crotch area....

But that was it, the rest of the guys looked like that had just stepped out of Appalachia, cashed in their empty aluminum cans that they had been saving for three years just to purchase their entrance price. Not to mention the Britney Spears/K-Fed look-alikes that seemed to follow us around the park. I think he had a tattoo on his nipple. Now don't get me wrong tattoos can be hot, but not on a 5'8", bean pole on sticks, whose belly was bigger than mine, with his arm around a bleached blonde, wearing a tube top that showed her belly, which looked like it had just released their love spawn. I swear, her tummy sagged like a fresh gastro-bypass patient. And neither were wearing shoes. Not sure why, but they were shoeless. It was scary.
Maybe it was due to still being off season for not having hotter patrons, I know it wasn't because of the low prices, as it now costs, $42.99 a person to get in which is outrageous, but I was disappointed. At the sights that is, other than that we had a great afternoon at the park.

Today we took the boys back home then went to Momma D's for dinner. Our first grilled hot dogs and hamburgers of the season. Then back home where we watched The Devil's Advocate, (strange movie). Well the Monday blues are beckoning for me, so I must take my leave and see what tomorrow is going to bring.

Roller Coasters, Attractions & Sunglasses

Today I checked my e-mail and after only one day on Monster.com, I've received three e-mails confirming that my resume has been read and that I will be receiving either a phone call or an e-mail to set up an interview. Sounds good to me! Keep my fingers crossed.

We (we being, my two youngest sons, DJ's sister and cousin, DJ and myself) are heading to King's Island Amusement Park today. Now I'm not a roller coaster fan. I actually will not go within ten feet of the line to the ride. So I am resigned to ride, attractions such as these. Now family rides are fun and enjoyable, and there is not much chance for major nerve, or muscle damage. Chances of getting whiplash are minimal. The problem with that is, well everyone but myself would prefer THESE attractions. Which means I usually ride my choice of rides alone, while the rest of the party stand in hour long lines waiting to take the chance to loose bladder control. I can get four or five rides completed while they are still waiting in line for the BEAST or DROP ZONE. (Drop Zone...Why go 315 feet in the air to be dropped straight down at 61 MPH??? Why?)

But my boys are excited about the trip and DJ loves the place, so I am sure we will all have fun. I too am actually looking forward to it. I bought some new sunglasses a few weeks ago that are reflective so that I can check out any guy in the park I want, on any part of his body and he or no one else will know what I am watching.

I love amusement parks....

Making Changes

Change is difficult, but necessary. It is also something I do not do very well, but a change is needed. I finally gave my 30 days at work. June 1st, I walk out. Regardless if I have another job or not. Crazy I know, but I can no longer deal with my job. When I got this job I had been laid off for almost a year and a half and DJ's grandparents needed someone part-time, so I jumped at the opportunity. Needless to say the part-time position was never part time. It was 6 days a week, 46 hours a week with a fairly comparable income to what I had previous. That didn't bother me either. What I didn't know was that I would be working for one of the most rude, crass, negative, just plain CRAZY women I have ever meant. Seriously this woman is a loon. Not to mention her socially inept, loser son that lives in an apartment over the office. The mental and emotional trauma is more than I can bare.

DJ's grandfather in his prime, was I am sure a very successful business man. Now he has had brain surgery, due to diabetes which continues to ravage his body. He is still trying to "run" the business but at this point he is not physically or mentally able. He allows his wife and son to control most everything. Sadly this has proved disastrous as in the two years I have been with them they have lost two real estate holdings, and several customers. She has no business sense and certainly has no customer service sense. This loss is wearing on the entire family, and on DJ's grandmother to the point where she is even nastier than normal. And nothing can be done. Even thought DJ's mother is the "CEO" she has no authority or power other than to sign checks. All decision have to go through "Attilla the Hun". Wrong move.

The family feels that even their "legal advisor" is swindling them but they continue to follow his advice as they fall deeper and deeper into debt and financial disaster. So instead of being part of the problem I've decided to become a solution. At least for myself and get out. If I do not walk away now, within a few months or a year I will not have a job to go to anyway, so get out while the getting is good I say. But with no job in sight and DJ drawing unemployment it probably wasn't the best time for a change. But it has to be done, because not only is it effecting me mentally and emotionally it is also effecting Mine and DJ's relationship, which I promised myself I would not allow to happen.

Bottom line or the moral to all of this? Never work for family. Yours or your partners.