Tuesday, June 26, 2007

A Handbook?

I've decided that I am going to write a handbook. Not a handy man's book, but a handbook. A Handbook for men on bathroom etiquette.

I work in an office of about 125 employees. Most of which are women. We have only 14 men employed at our office. Our bathroom has two stalls and two urinals for the purpose of relieving ourselves. Shouldn't be a problem, right? WRONG!

When I went into the men's room earlier today to take care of my personal business, I was appalled at the mess in the bathroom. It looked like a group of fifth graders had just had a potty break. There were little pieces of toilet tissue scattered throughout the bathroom. When I opened the stall to do what I needed to do (after cleaning a little mind you, the bathroom that is, not me) Someone had forgotten to FLUSH. So remnants of what was evacuated from their bowels was still floating...

So I went to the other stall. The toilet seat was broken, so back to the dirty stall. By this time, my own bowels were in somewhat of an uproar. I flushed the previous owners...well you get the idea, cleaned off the seat as best I could, put down the nice toilet seat cover and quickly did my business. Now mind you the toilet tissue had been removed from the roller and was sitting on the floor next to a magazine the previous user had left behind, the page turned back as to not lose their place. Then suddenly someone arrived in the bathroom. Went into the stall with the broken seat and began taking care of their personal business. Suddenly the entire room was full of a toxic odor. NO COURTESY FLUSH??!! Come on guy! I quickly removed myself (after cleaning myself appropriately mind you) and went to the sink to wash my hands. As I stood there I heard this strange sound to my left... next to the wall. When I turned to look I was sprayed directly in the eye with the automatic fragrance dispenser. Why do they hang those at eye level anyway?

Yes, I then had to flush out my eye in the sink with cold water, as quickly as I could, and get back to work.

Needless to say I was traumatised for the remainder of the morning.

So yes, I think there needs to be a handbook. You'd think adult, college educated men would know how to take of their business appropriately...But then again I am the only gay man at my office, so I don't know what I was expecting...

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