Happy Halloween

Think About It

As most of us know by now a bill was passed on September 29...

The bill would set up rules for the military commissions that will allow the government to proceed with the prosecutions of high-level detainees .

It would make illegal several broadly defined abuses of detainees, while leaving it to the president to establish specific permissible interrogation techniques. And it would strip detainees of a habeas corpus right to challenge their detentions in court.


"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - Benjamin Franklin

Just think about it...

Settled

Well we are all settled in. Most everything is moved, we still have just a few items we need to put into storage, but for all intents and purposes we are moved in.

So far things are fine. By saying it that way makes it seem as though I'm waiting for something to happen. I'm not really, but anytime you live with someone else it's difficult. DJ's stepfather still works everyday, as does his mother. His stepfather has to be up every morning between 4:30 and 5:00. DJ got in Friday night from work at 1:00 a.m. and after coming home he wanted to go back upstairs and outside for a smoke. I am sure that his stepfather can hear the front door opening, so I declined to go for a smoke. Lord knows if I had to be up that early I wouldn't appreciate someone coming in and out my front door waking me up. DJ went. I just do not want to do anything that would make anyone upset. I mean they are gracious enough to let us live here until we get back on our feet, we shouldn't upset their lives any more than we already have. Compromise. That's a very important word in any relationship, especially one where you have intruded upon.

The employment field does not look any more promising but I am going to be going out again next week, hitting the pavement so to speak. The sooner I can find a job the sooner we can get back on our feet and into a place of our own.

Into the Basement

Well tomorrow is the day. DJ and I will start moving our final belongings into our storage facility and be moving into his mother's basement. (Picture is not the actual basement)

Now before you get all worried, it's not as bad as it sounds. The basement is completely renovated and has carpeting, paneling and walls. It is also a shrine to Dale Earnhardt. Which if you are a Nascar fan you'd want to live there too. I like Nascar, but to say that I was a fan would be...well just a lie. However over the next few months, I will literally be living in Dale Earnhardt Shrine. I am sure that after I move out red and black will NOT be colors I will use in any decorating for quite some time.

Hopefully I will find employment soon and we can get our finances in order and get back into a place of our own. At least we will have cable while we are there!!

2008 Is Right Around the Corner

As most of you know, I try to limit my political views on my blog, posting as little as possible regarding that issue, but...

Over the last few days I've been hearing and seeing a lot of Barack Obama. If you have not heard of him, he is a first term Democratic Senator from Illinois. Before 2004 no one had ever heard of this passionate politician. His political promise has been evident since the moment he stunned the 2004 Democratic National Convention with a keynote speech emphasising all the things that bind, rather than divide, Americans.

Now he has stated that he may very well run for President... "Given the response I've been getting the past several months, I have thought about the possibility," Mr Obama told NBC's Meet The Press. After next month's mid-term elections, he continued, he would "sit down and consider it".

I have been following him for sometime and listened to him in speeches and most recently on Oprah, and he sounds and looks like someone I would support. Then this morning I read an article while surfing the "net" and was appalled at what I read. The person (and I use that term loosely) started his rant with..."Obama is Black"

That was just the beginning of what I would describe as one of the most racist articles I have read in quite sometime and I became enraged. To think that we still live in a country where we base someone's abilities on their race made me sick to my stomach. If he does decide to run, I pray this does not become a campaign issue. Personally I never even thought about him being black when I first heard him give the keynote speech in 2004, I was more amazed at his passion, intelligence and charisma.

Senator Obama carries some of the same sort of charisma that propelled John Kennedy into the Presidency in 1960. He has a natural appeal that is multicultural. He is the son of a Kenyan father and a Kansas mother, he has known both poverty and privilege.
He was one of the stars of his class at Harvard Law School, but he has also worked as a social worker and street organiser in Chicago's roughest neighbourhoods, and later practised as a civil rights lawyer.

It is way too early for me to make any decision on my presidential vote for 2008 ( as we really have no idea who is really going to run) but some things are certain, it is NOT going to be based on their gender or the color of his/her skin.

Could this be the beginning of an Obama/Clinton Democratic ticket? If so just remember you heard it hear first...(probably not the first, but one of the first.)

Tomorrow Will Be Better

Things have got to start happening soon! I'm loosing it. I've been sick again, since Monday. For three days now all I can do is lay in bed on on the couch. My entire body feels like it weighs twice it's weight and my head is just swimming. Not to mention I woke up Monday with a strange problem in my left eye.

I have a perfectly shaped dark circle in my center line of vision. You know when a falsh from a camera goes off and for a few minutes you have this circle in your eye and your vision is just a bit blurred? Well Mine has been like that since Monday and it seems to get worse with the fact that I am sick.

DJ is wanting to get things moved into storage and I just do not have the energy. Not to mention that I'm not real keen on the idea of moving into his mother's basement, but what else are we going to do? I need to get out and start actively looking for work again, but I just don't have the energy.

I'm not sure if the weakness and the eye problem are part of MS, or due to my being so depressed. Probably a mixture of all of it thrown together. Whatever the reason I can not afford to go to the doctor to find out, which causes me that much more anguish and frustration.

Tomorrow will be better.

Weekend Update

The weekend came and went and here we are again, Monday.

Saturday night I met up with Kare Bear and her friends at the Back Porch Saloon for dinner and drinks and catching up. Kare Bear has not changed. Even after not seeing her for over a year, we fell right back into sync. It was just like the days we hung out almost every weekend at the bars. We drank, laughed and drank some more. Kare Bear's friends were there, "Miss Algonquin" (long story) who I adore, and of course "Miss Thang" and her husband, and "Mary Mary" who is expecting her first baby in April; along with some new friends that I had heard about and finally got to meet. Catching up eith everyone and re-living some of our past antics was a lot of fun. It was great to see everyone again. It was a much needed night out.

Sunday, DJ and I began moving some of our boxes and furniture that we are not taking to his mothers into storage. Hard to believe we have so much SHIT! You don't realize how much you have until you have to box it up and start moving it. We moved about 12 boxes, with some bookcases and other small items and we didn't even fill up a corner of the storage bin. We got a 10x20 unit, but I really think there is going to be quite a bit of room left over once we get everything into it. After moving we both were exhausted and spent the rest of the night "vegging" on the couch watching "Indiana Jones" movies.

Back to the real world here on Monday, so back to the want ads...

What's Up for the Weekend

Happy Friday the 13th!

I hope you enjoyed my posting yesterday, my first 12 of 12 posting. I spent a long time getting it together and posting it, but guess what? I forgot to post a link over at Chad's site! All the work for nothing. Well at least you got to read it! See, I told you, I do have a boring life.

But, I actually have plans for the weekend!

Tomorrow night Kare Bear is having a get-together over at the Back Porch Saloon, she and her hubby moved to Savannah back last year and she is coming into town for the weekend and wants to see everyone. So I will be getting out of the house for a while. I think it will do me good to get out and enjoy others company instead of sitting in this half-empty apartment. Kare Bear and I worked together for about four years at the law firm I used to work at. We were let go at the same time. I haven't seen her in quite a long time so I'm looking forward to the "reunion"

Sunday DJ is off and we are going to be packing the majority of our stuff and moving it into the storage bin. All of our living room furniture, dining room suite and boxes that we have packed. That will leave our apartment pretty empty. So for the next few weeks we will be living in an empty apartment. Of course the TV, DVD player and the computer will be the last things we move. A man has to have something to do!

2 Years! & 12 of 12

Today marks my 2 year anniversary on Blogger. Since then I've had over 172,000 hits (actually I just started my hit counter in December 2005) and over 300 postings. Hard to believe I've been blogging over two years. I actually started blogging in May of 2004 on mblog, but they deleted all my postings. So here I am 2 years later still blogging. I know my postings have changed somewhat since I first started and it seems I have a hard time keeping up with any type of monthly post (Like "Man of the Month", "Flashback Thursdays") but I'm going to try it one more time...

12 of 12 was started by a fellow blogger, Chad Darnell and it happens of the 12th of every month. We are to take a photo, every hour for 12 hours of that day and then post those photos with a little explanation as to what we are doing...so for all of you out there that are REALLY interested in how I spend my day here you go...

I usually start my day the same way every morning, the time varies as to when I get out of bed, but today at 10:30 a.m. I was up with my cup of coffee, in my favorite mug at the computer...

Of course after my coffee I go out side for my first smoke of the day, this was me at 11:15a.m.

By 12:15 I am back at the computer, checking any job postings at Career Builder...no nothing.

At 2:40 Xander decided it was time for his nap in an empty box. Me? I'm still at the computer.

3:10 p.m. and the sun has finally decided to shine a little so I go out to the patio and enjoy the sunshine.

DJ has gone to work and before leaving he suggested I pack up the dishes for our impending move, so as the good little house husband, at 5:35 I packed up as much as I could.

After talking to Silver on the phone I decided to throw in a load of wash, it's now about 7:40 and I'm getting a little hungry.

By 8:30 I'm really getting hungry and I remembered we had some left over pizza from Wednesday nights dinner so I warm up some Papa Johns. Just what does it mean by Better Ingredients?

After dinner I had a little energy to do some more packing, so at 8:50 I was finished with the manual labor of the day.

I didn't realize that reading all the blogs on my blogroll took so long, it's now about 9:50 p.m.

After playing SIMS2 for a while creating the Fisher and Sons Funeral home (from Six Feet Under) at 10:40 p.m. I decided to upload my beautiful creation over at ModtheSims, so that others can enjoy my masterpiece

I pop "Alexander" into the DVD and watch Colin Farrell (YUM) and soon DJ is home and it is back to bed to start it all over tomorrow!

Brothers

Tonight is our monthly "Brothers Night Out". My two brothers "CW" & "Deano", my father and myself meet every 10th of the month for a night out. We normally just meet for dinner somewhere and discuss whats been going on during the past month. At first I didn't see the point of doing this, but it is nice to keep up with my brothers and their kids. Before doing this we normally only saw each other maybe three times a year, not including the holidays. And we spoke on the phone even less.

Deano and I were not close as kids, as he is 10 years younger than myself, but now as adults he and I are closer than CW and I. We talk at least once a month besides the monthly dinners, and DJ and I have been to their house and he and his wife have been here. CW is five years younger and we were pretty close as kids, but once I became a teenager we sort of went our own ways. Then when I was a minister our lives were total opposites. Now the roles have been reversed and he is into working in the church and I of course left the church after coming out and my divorce. Needless to say things were pretty tense between CW and I for quite a while. But over the past two years we have reconnected and even though he doesn't agree with what he calls "my choice of lifestyle", we realize that family is more important. When I look at us now I think of that old SHOWTIME series that was on years ago called, "Brothers".

Our parents are growing older, and so are we and they are the only family I have besides my kids, and I'm glad now that we are doing our monthly get togethers.

Six Feet Under

My best friend Silver got me hooked a few years ago on the HBO series, Six Feet Under. We bought the first season for him for Christmas, and then after he watched it we borrowed it and viewed it. It was pretty good, that first year. But not good enough for us to go out and spend $99 for each season for ourselves. (unlike Star Trek, The Next Generation). So we discontinued watching it.

Then a few weeks ago DJ went to our local library and brought the 2nd Season home. Still good, but not quite as entertaining as I remember the first season being. Then last week we went back to the library and got the third season. OMG! It was so depressing! It was the season that Nate,(played by Peter Strauss...hot!) the eldest son was dealing with all of his issues and then the loss of his wife, Lisa, played by Lily Taylor. After watching the entire third season, I had a melt down! Maybe watching such a deep show is not a good thing when you are depressed and unemployed. So I decided to slow down on Six Feet Under and starting watching Smallville again.

Today I ventured back to the dark world of the Fisher Family of Six Feet Under. Thankfully Season 4 was not quite as dark and depressing as season three. They added some more upbeat storylines and added a little more humor. But really how upbeat can a TV show be that starts every week with someone's death? And to think I considered applying for a job at the county coroner's office. Maybe I should just stick with Disney movies. At least until I get back to work.

Starting Over

In 1979 I was given the opportunity to start over, by being pulled from a situation that if left in would have altered my life in ways I can only imagine. Chances are I would not have lived to see this day. I was given a chance to start over.

Twenty-seven years later as I look back on those events and the many other events in my life since that time I wonder how many chances does one get in one lifetime to start over. How many times can we, or others around us change the course of ones life and give them another chance? I’ve had many.

Sometimes it is because a person comes into your life and suddenly things are different and what was important no longer seems that way. That has happened in my life as well. Each time you look at the opportunity with hope and dreams and then another event or person comes into your life and puts another perspective on who and what you are. Then more choices are demanded of you.

Or it could come one day when you are working in a dead end job, just trying to make ends meet and suddenly that job that you despised is taken from you or you walk away from it. Suddenly a job that you thought was taking you nowhere now makes you realize it was your life. Unfortunately you learnt that too late. But just in the nick of time something happens and puts you back on your path, and those lessons are soon forgotten. But then you find yourself in the same situation only under different circumstances and you once again forgot the lesson you learnt from before. The same mistakes are made and choices are placed before you and make the same ones that you made before. Over and over again the cycle continues until you finally learn from your mistake and when the opportunity arises again you make the adjustments and do not make the same choice you made before.

Twenty-seven years ago I had a choice to make and with the help of someone dear to me I was able to make a choice I was afraid to make on my own and it brought me to where I am today. And as I said before, probably saved my life. Eleven years ago, again I was at a crossroad and not willing to make a choice and someone stepped into my life and I chose a path. I chose that path then; thinking they would be there with me through it, but as I found out, that wasn’t the case. So for a few more years, do to that choice that was made, I had to learn another step into the lesson we call life.

Now again today I am living with choices that either I made or others made for me and again I am wondering if I made the right ones. I look back on those others times to see where I may have made the mistake, but honestly I didn’t see them then and now I wonder if I am still not able to distinguish which choices were right and which were wrong. Sometimes it is more difficult to see your own mistakes than those of others around you. Their mistakes are easy to spot. We can sit back and say that if we were in their position we would have done things so much differently. But would we have done anything different if in the same situation with the same choices and emotions involved in that decision? No, I venture to say probably not.

But I finally figured it out. Or in my feeble wisdom, I think I did. Others didn’t make those choices for me, regardless of how much I think they did. They may have influenced me, but ultimately I made those choices. And when I made those choices I made them for what was right for me at that given time. I thought I looked at how it was going to effect my future and my current life and I chose. Ultimately it was I that had to live with the consequences of those actions, not so much the others that were involved or were the influencing factor. But me, the one who made the choice.

We can sit back and look at our life and blame a lost job, a lost opportunity or another individual for our mistakes and even our accomplishments but that is not the case. It is us. It is our own spirit, personality, our drive or whatever we want to call it but ultimately it is ourselves.

So here I am, again at a point in my life where I am dealing with the consequences of my actions and choices, and whether they are good or bad I can only look at myself for the answers. I also can only change the situation by my own efforts. I cannot wait for a knight in shining armor to come and whisk me away, or to sit and wait for the opportunity to fall into my lap by some divine power. I have to make it happen. I have to take control. I have to look deep within myself at my past mistakes and accomplishments and find where that strength is to get me through another cross in the road.

Weighing my options has never been a strong suit for me. When I’ve made choices in my life before I take it head on, sometimes with no thought or even perception of how it is going to effect me or others around me in weeks, months, even years to come. I would say we all are guilty of that. In the heat of a moment, or in the passion of the battle we decide, not thinking about the possible outcomes.

So what were those lessons we learnt from those past choices we made; if thrown into another situation we are going to react the in the same manner because of who we are? I’m not sure, but I think those past lessons play into the scenario even without our conscience mind realizing it. It has been said for every action there is a reaction. But how do we make that reaction without…reacting?

To use the old cliché, life is too short to cry over spilt milk. So I suppose I will make the choice the same way I have before. With what I feel in my heart is right. Giving no thought of what my mind is telling me, and just hope it all works out in the end. Will I use any lessons I learnt before? You bet I will. Will I look back on the decision and say; I wish I would have done that instead? Yes, probably. But you know what? Regardless if it is the right choice, or the wrong one, only one thing is important. Am I a better person because of it? I think we all are. Just as long as we learn. It may not be something we even realized right now that we learnt, but somewhere down the road when the next opportunity arises, or it’s time for the next choice we will remember.

Over the next few weeks DJ and I will be starting over. Due to choices made we are proably going to have to leave our home and move in with his mother to get our finances back on the right track. Have I learnt lessons from this? I certainly hope so because I'm not sure I have too many "starting overs" let in me.