I became part of a conversation last week at work, that now that I think back on it really troubles me. Not so much for myself, but for the other party in the conversation. We were discussing my family and their reaction to my coming out. I'm out at work. Due mainly to the fact that most of the people that I work with, I worked with prior. I do not come to work waving the rainbow flag (unless of course my umbrella counts), however I do not hide the fact that I am a gay man that was once married with children and now is a grandfather. I am how I am. But anyway back to the conversation...
I told her that yes I do have regrets about coming out ( Aghast! ) not regrets about how, or the why, but how it effected my children. And the fact that after I left I was not an integral part of their every day life as I would have been if I had remained married to their mother.
It did effect them, and not in a good way. But then again when any family divorces, regardless of the reason, the children are going to be effected. This was true in my case. I also regretted the hurt it caused to my wife. I did love her, and she was and is a good person. She did not deserve to have to go through that. She did nothing wrong. But as I explained to my co-worker, the alternative would have effected them worse, as I was on verge of suicide.
We discussed this a little further and I could tell that this conversation was not about me, but something was going on in her life. Her eyes welled up with tears and then she says just matter-of-factly... "We are all fucked up, aren't we? Everyone in here, every family, every home. We all have issues and regrets don't we? We are all the same, just different situations, but the same."
Yes dear, we are all alike. Gay, straight, male, female, black, white, asian, moslem, christian...
We all have issues
No one is above it
Welcome to the thing called, LIFE.