Memorial

Tomorrow will be Memorial Day and unlike last year I will not be able to attend my couisn's annual Memorial Day picnic. Gas prices are soaring and with DJ's work schedule we have to bow out this year. But as I think of memorial day, and watch the news reports of the Iraq War my memories go back to almost 40 years earlier.

In 1967 a young man just out of high school enlists in the U.S. Army. He is the oldest son of four children, three boys and a girl. His family has lived in a small midwestern Ohio village called Seven Mile most of his life. A very good looking young man, with hopes and dreams, that he can make a difference. Within a year he has died in Vietnam. He became almost like an icon in our family. I had three uncles that also went to Vietnam, but it is he our family remembers. My youngest brother was even given his name. Gary Dean.

When I read the Sunday paper this morning, on the front page was a picture of a young good looking high school senior that will soon leave for Iraq. It made me think of my cousin Gary who 40 years earlier probably had many of the same hopes, dreams and fears that this young man has. I pray that this young man comes back home to his family and is able to realize his dreams. Unlike my cousin Gary Bowling who came home in a flag draped coffin. A family hero. A family icon. I thank and honor that young man I saw today in the front page of the paper, sitting with his parents. I thank and honor my cousin, Gary Bowling who gave his life for what he thought was right. I also thank and honor all thos on this another Memorial Day, and pray our men and women soon can all return home.

This Was Her Now

As I had hoped and expected, Jordin Sparks walked away as the newest and the youngest American Idol last night. Even though I felt that there were other singers that were better than she was this year (Melinda, Lakeisha, Stephanie, Gina) Jordin stole my heart, and between her and Blake, she was the best choice. Her rendition of This is My Now was fantastic. But nothing could beat her version of Martina McBride's Broken Wing.

Overall my first year of being an Idol fan was okay, however I think the entire program is a farce. I mean Sanjanya? Come on... The producers pick who is going and who isn't. It was funny that as soon as the ratings started to drop off, Sanjaya was voted out. And be honest, was Jordin really the best singer that they had this year? No, not by a long shot. But good for her and hopefully she and the others can have a career as sweet as Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood.

Will I watch it next year? Yeah , you bet!

Viva Laughlin

I received an e-mail today from Kare Bear that the new series, Viva Laughlin is being picked up for the fall season. Viva is considered to be a favorite for the fall, and is based on a BBC show that has had great success in Britain. Here, Viva Laughlin is the story of a young man that wants to start up a casino in Laughlin, Nevada. The show is a comedy, drama, musical...well just a little bit of everything.

You ask, Why are you interested in a new TV show for the fall?

Well the reason is Kare-Bear's sister in law and good friend, Missy Doty will be starring in the show, as Diane! If you recall Missy was Cammie in the Oscar Nominated film Sideways. She has also starred in Ally McBeal, and several other TV shows. This is another great break for our Missy, so watch Viva this fall and support the hometown girl!

It's Not Over...

Some say it's a done deal, and was decided by the producers months ago. But then that was what they said last week before Melinda Doolittle was voted off. She was to be the New American Idol.

Who knows, but who ever wins, be it Jordin or Blake, they will be stars. As well as Melinda.

As for my vote? I'd like to see Jordin win, but Blake is hot.

Mother's Day

47 Years ago, on Mother's Day, my mother was 21 years old and 7 months pregnant.

In July of that same year at 22, she gave birth, to me the first of her three sons.

Today, at 68, almost 69 years old she continues to nurture us. Three sons, 8 grandchildren, and 2 great-grandchildren.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom

A Little Pain Goes A Long Way

It's been almost a year.

That is almost a year since my visit to the neurologist. Since being diagnosed with MS in 1992 I've had my share of doctors, medication, new drugs, MRI machines and spinal taps. Just for the record, they don't really tap on your spinal in a spinal tap, they drain fluid from it, like tapping a maple tree for it's syrup.

Anyway, my annual exam was Tuesday. I left work early and headed to the torture chamber. I had the MRI, which is bearable, and then the needles. Needles and I don't have a problem. Like I said before I've had my share of them over the past 15 years. But this time was going to be different. I had a trainee. Yes, a trainee spinal tapist. To be honest I do not think that should be allowed in the medical profession, trainees? No, but I guess they have to learn some how.

After my little trainee done the dastardly deed, I laid for an hour afterwards and then went my merry way home to await the results. At 2:00 a.m. Wednesday morning I awoke with the most excruciating head pain I have ever experienced in my life. So much so I was not only nauseous, but literally blinded by the pain. I missed an entire day of work and stayed in bed the entire day.

But no pain, no gain right? I got the results from the tests today, and the doctor tells me that I am in remission and not only that. but it looks like it has come to a halt, as the damage done back several years ago is beginning to repair itself! He found it quite exciting, as it's rare for this to be occurring. Nevertheless, it's great news to me.

It's Not Just You

I became part of a conversation last week at work, that now that I think back on it really troubles me. Not so much for myself, but for the other party in the conversation. We were discussing my family and their reaction to my coming out. I'm out at work. Due mainly to the fact that most of the people that I work with, I worked with prior. I do not come to work waving the rainbow flag (unless of course my umbrella counts), however I do not hide the fact that I am a gay man that was once married with children and now is a grandfather. I am how I am. But anyway back to the conversation...

I told her that yes I do have regrets about coming out ( Aghast! ) not regrets about how, or the why, but how it effected my children. And the fact that after I left I was not an integral part of their every day life as I would have been if I had remained married to their mother.

It did effect them, and not in a good way. But then again when any family divorces, regardless of the reason, the children are going to be effected. This was true in my case. I also regretted the hurt it caused to my wife. I did love her, and she was and is a good person. She did not deserve to have to go through that. She did nothing wrong. But as I explained to my co-worker, the alternative would have effected them worse, as I was on verge of suicide.

We discussed this a little further and I could tell that this conversation was not about me, but something was going on in her life. Her eyes welled up with tears and then she says just matter-of-factly... "We are all fucked up, aren't we? Everyone in here, every family, every home. We all have issues and regrets don't we? We are all the same, just different situations, but the same."

Yes dear, we are all alike. Gay, straight, male, female, black, white, asian, moslem, christian...
We all have issues
No one is above it

Welcome to the thing called, LIFE.

Sooner Rather Than Later

It had to happen sooner or later. I'm just glad it happened sooner rather than later. I mean if it would have lasted longer I would have been even more upset when he said goodbye.

Bye Chris.