Four Generations

 Spent a little bit of time yesterday with my youngest grandchild, Lizzie. She doesn't look very comfortable in this picture, but she was happy. She is almost always happy, or maybe I should say content. She doesn't cry much (at least not while I was there today) and she tries to coo and communicate.

My mother and father followed me to my daughter's house to see their great grandchild for the first time. Mother, who is in the late stages of Alzheimer's had no idea that this was her great-grandchild or even remembered her name after two minutes. I think we had to tell her about seven time what her name was. She may not have known her, but she loved her! Wanted to hold her so bad. But she wasn't able. Dad, as always was all smiles. Always is when he is around his family.

My son wasn't here, as Lizzie was visiting with her Aunt for the weekend to give her mommy & daddy a break. But four generations, how is that even possible. It seems like yesterday it was just me and these two. My mom & Dad (that was before my brothers as I was five before my first sibling came along)

Mother is 82 now, and even though here in body, mother left us a few years ago. Slowly. Alzheimer's is a cruel disease. She is nothing close, personality wise to who she used to be. She doesn't know any of us now, except for Dad. Regardless, she still smiles, and gives the best hugs. She also tells us all about her mom and dad. My grandparents died in 1999 and 2000, but she believes she lives with them.  And maybe in her mind she does and that is okay. 

Cherish days like this. Family. Parents. 

This is what life is really all about.

Razputin, Anyastasia & Fisher or the "Babies"

 Yes, RAZ putin, not Rasputin. Or as he is called "Raz". He is my buddy. He is a beagle that DJ & B adopted from a shelter and he is the best guy ever! He either sleeps as you see here, in my bed or on the floor, by my bed. Well, that is until his daddy gets home. 

That other furry friend up there in my bed is Anyastasia or "Anya". She is a dachshund/pit bull mix and she is a princess! She also loves lying in my bed until Daddy gets home. 

Then there is the little baby. Fisher, named after Carrie Fisher as we got him the day Carrie Fisher died. Maltese / Shiatzu mix. Veracious bark, but a chicken shit.  Scared of his own shadow. He refuses to get off the patio when it is dark outside unless someone is with him. He prefers to sleep downstairs in his playpen. He doesn't like coming upstairs in the dark.

These three babies keep me company. DJ works normally 5pm to 5am and B works 10pm to 7am, so these three are my companions and my co workers since I've been working from home. They work cheap, for treats! They also help keep me sane. Yes, I talk to them. We have some great conversations!!😘

Trimming the Hedges

 I mentioned in my first blog post back on my birthday and my first post in seven years that I was living with DJ and his husband, B now. In 2013 they bought their first home and about a year later they asked me to move in with them. It was odd at first, but I finally settled in and their home became my home. Fast forward to today. About a year ago, sometime in August 2019, DJ and B put their first home on the market. On December 17, 2019 they closed on the new home. A thirteen room colonial with an acre of land. We all love it, including the babies (the doggies).

I went out for a little bit today (as I have not been out of the house other than to go to the doctor) and when I returned, B had hedge clippers and was trying to manually cut the huge shrubs in the front of the house. He was not having the best of luck. I proceeded to get the electric hedge trimmers out of the garage and finished the job, and the photos above is the completed project.

I was quite proud of myself as the last time I had done this big of a project was way back in the mid 1990's when I worked with my former father-in-law. He taught me quite a bit about landscaping (as well as other things, I may add).

Hat's off to me, and thanks to my former father-in-law, RIP.

Oh Shit! It's Shingles!

Thought I had a spider bite that caused my eye to swell.  So I finally went to the doctor today and it is not a spider bite. It's SHINGLES!! They are in my eyebrow and my eyelid, behind my ear and even in my hairline! Very painful!! Doctor put my on famciclovir and gabapentin. Hopefully this too will pass...

It sucks to get old. 

I hate 2020!

Meet Lizzie

 On Monday, July 27, 2020 my 4th grandchild was born. Now mind you I have 10 grandchildren, but six of them are step-grandchildren. I only have four "blood" grandchildren now.

This is Alizabeth AnneMarie, or as we will all call her, Lizzie.

Lizzie is my youngest son, Adam's daughter. He was the one that battled Hodgkin's and was told due to all the chemo and radiation that he would be sterile. But low and behold, he and his girlfriend did conceive.  Doctor's don't know it all.

Welcome to this crazy world, Lizzie.

Reality Check... How am I 60?

 Today I turned Sixty.

No this picture is not a current one, this was taken in February.

In the midst of a pandemic, I turned sixty. I had planned a big party with family and friends, but unfortunately I had to cancel due to the stay-at-home orders across our county. Pandemic or not, I still turned sixty. Party or not, I turned sixty.

Did I tell you I turned sixty today? 60!

This blog has been empty of new posts since 2013. I had just recently started my job with my current employer. Posted about it then nothing. A hell of a lot has transpired in seven years, and now I am 60!

I have been with that employer now 7+ years. We were sold to the largest Pharmaceutical company in North America about 4 years ago. With that change, I received a large raise and promotion and had my own office. But now, instead of going to my office every day we are working remotely. For me, that means in my bedroom. Not a bad set up, and I am actually more productive here than I was at the office. If you would have told me seven years ago when I got this job that I would be working from my bedroom and living with DJ and B, I would have said you were crazy. But I am.

Yes I live with my Ex and his husband (they were married in 2015) and 99.9% we get along fine. Even during a pandemic and me living in this house 24 / 7. However, they are essential workers (the pandemic has created new words and phrases) and both work outside of the home. I rarely get out. I have an auto-immune disease (MS and diabetes) so I want to avoid the Coronavirus / COVID-19 at all costs.

Like I said, so much has transpired in the last seven years, and I don't want to go into all of it in this post, but I will be posting more in the upcoming weeks and bring you up to date, if there is anyone still reading this. If not, that is okay too as this blog was always for me anyway.

So welcome to the "NEW' Reality Check.

Reality Check @ 60

Working Again!

It didn't take me long....thank goodness, I got a new job! Went to an interview on Friday at a local Pharmaceutical company (within walking distance to my home) and walked out with the job!

Yes, it's a big cut in pay, and I am starting at the bottom and will need to work my way up, but I am excited and looking forward to the challenge. It's in a whole different line of work as I will be doing accounts receivables, and other various duties, but I have my foot in the door.  It is a fast growing company and lots of room for advancement and the potential to move up is there.  They really loved my resume and even said I was over-qualified for the position, but they see my potential and really need my experience and are looking forward to my addition to the company.

So one door closed and another opened.  Who knows where this will lead, but I am looking forward, not backward. So many new things in my life this year. My own place, a new job, now maybe a new man???

Good...But Not Good Enough.

Today I joined the multitudes of Americans on the unemployment line. Yes, after six and a half years I was let go yesterday. Their reson? Failure to produce required quotas. A law firm, not a factory or assembly line, but a law firm. After six years of being a valued employee, and and outstanding employee (their words to me yesterday) they no longer feel that I have what it takes.

 

Since my stroke a year and a half ago, I have felt like they have been trying to get rid of me. I was one of the oldest employees, and made a good income, one of the higher paid employees, so I knew my time was limited, as their profit margins have decreased over the past three years substantially, so what better way to make thier ends meet? Get rid of high paid seasoned employees.

Now I go back to job interviews, reading want ads, claiming unemployment and hoping something happens, SOON!

Another chapter has started on this never ending story of my reality.

Rules? There are Rules to Dating??

Well, I have a date. A first date. It's been a while since I had a date.  I mean a real date, like going to dinner, conversation and getting to know someone date. Not sure if I remember how it's done... Surely it will come back to me... So here are my rules of a first date.

 

1. Don't let him carry the conversation:
There is surely something you can talk about and share in the conversation, don't let him have the whole night, this is my date too!
2.  Do not be a conversation hog:
I need to learn to be comfortable with pauses in the conversation; I don't need to fill the silence with words. He is sizing me up and thinking, even if it appears that he is doing nothing. He also doesn't want my life story in one sitting, Lord knows I could tell it. But I need to leave some mystery for him to discover over time.
3. Don't discuss past relationships:
Even if the last relationship was a good, which mine was, this is not the time to discuss.  If You trash talk the ex, that will leave a bad taste in his mouth, and if you talk to kindly and well of the ex, he may get the idea that you are still hung up on him. Don't ask him about his past relationships either, he will tell you in time...if there is another time.
4. Don't Get too heavy:
No reason to discuss, politics, religion, world affairs, this is a first date, get to know one another first. These things will come up later, again if there is a later.
5. Be Myself:
No reason to put on 'airs" or be something I am not. Be who I am, if he likes that fine, if not fine, at least I am not being someone I am not. Have to be honest with myself!

So with all that said, I am looking forward to this date. He is the one that has made all the prompts, so we will see how things go.

Alone...But Liking It.

 A little over a month ago I moved into my new place. Alone. First time I have ever lived alone, ever.  I really was anxious about living alone and not sure if I would like the idea of being by myself (well not totally by myself, I have my cat, Cordelia). There are pros and cons. The pros are I have my own complete space, and it's all me. From the decorations to the furniture to the food i eat and buy and how i spend my time.  Quite frankly I like those pros. No compromising on color schemes, or furniture or what kind of soap to buy. Here are some pics of the place, and you can see my style, can't you?

However there are cons as well. When I get lonely there is really no one here to talk to, and I am not a real big phone person, but now when I get on the phone I can't get off, because I haven't had any human interaction.  I know my friends and family are like..."what is wrong with him, does he ever shut up?"  But those that know me, they were probably saying that before I was living alone!  Some of the other cons are trying to cook for one person.  I am finding it is somewhat difficult to make enough to eat, without making too much that it sits in the fridge and goes bad, as I am not real big on leftovers.  It also is very quiet. I tend to leave on the TV just for sound.  I miss my roomies terribly, but they are a phone call away, and only live about 10 minutes away.  So when I get to missing them too much I can call or pop over and then leave when they have enough of me.  Honestly though the last few times I've been out, I look forward to going home.

One of the worst cons is the fact that I can not seem to get on a sleeping schedule.  I am finding that I am staying up later and then when the alarm says it's time to go to work, I am having a difficult time getting out of bed and getting motivated.  I am going to HAVE to force myself to making a bedtime and sticking to it.

Being living alone has not been as bad as I thought it was going to be. I think I have adjusted quite well. Maybe now I can work on not being single....not that i want a live in boyfriend though...I think I really need to give this living alone thing a shot!

Starting Over

Wow, it is hard to believe it was almost two years since my last post! Well it is time for me to start over, wouldn't you say? Not forgettting the past, as I don't want to forget the past, it has made me who I am.  I also don't want to start all the way back at the beginning, you can read my past posts for that! But this is a new start. On January 15, 2013, I moved into my own place. All alone! At fifty-two I am living alone for the first time in my life. 

It is an adjustment, to say the least, as it is a BIG change for me and it is something I never even thought about, but it has been exciting. Oh yes I have had a few meltdowns already and it has been emotional, but overall I am looking at this with a positive attitude and a renewal of sorts.

The search for a new place didn't take me long, and I love the new place (pictures to follow) and decorating and buying all new things was the best part of the transistion. However, now that all the new furniture and decor is in place, reality is setting in, and it's becoming real to me. I am living alone, (well except for my cat, Cordelia).  So what a perfect time to get back into the my blog, right? So share with me my new adventure as I look forward to the next chapter of my reality!

To Date or Not to Date...That is the Question

It's been almost a year since Dan and I broke up, and recently I've been thinking about dating again.  I mean seriously looking for someone to date. More than a one night stand, or a FWB. Someone special.

Well it's not as easy as I first thought it was going to be.  I mean a lot has changed in eleven years, which was the last time I went on a date.  There was the Internet 11 years ago, but online dating was in it's infancy, and many of the guys that were on those sites were not ones you would have wanted to take home to meet your mother...or pets.  However, now the Internet is flooded with gay dating sites and even apps for your phones.  There is gay.com, okcupid.com, grindr, scruff, adam4adam, growlr...and the list goes on and on, even craigslist has an man 4 man option for personal ads.  Some are true dating sites, but most a "hook-up" sites.  What happened to going out to the bars, or other social venues and find a nice guy?

Then there are the "types" of guy your looking for, or attracted to.  Do I want a twink, or bear, or sissy girl, or leather man.  Hell I just want a date!  Then there is the age thing... yes we in the gay community are very selective.  If you are 21 to 30, you don't want to date someone in their 50's.  A guy 50+ is like dating your grandfather! (Yes, I was told that)  If your 35 to 40, you also don't want to date someone over 50.  Why? Because they are wanting someone their age or younger, someone they can relate to.  And most of the guys that are 45-55? Well they are looking for some hot young stud to make them feel younger. So where do I fit in, in all of this?  I don't know, you tell me! I'm not picky about age. Well anywhere from 25 to 55,  I think that is a broad enough age difference. As far as my type? He just needs to be a gay man, that is established, employed and decent. Not so much into "types" either.

I was just hoping to jump back out there in the dating pool and find Mr. Right and settle back down in the daily grind with someone at my side. But do I really? Do I really want that?  Am I ready for another relationship?  Will I ever be ready for another relationship? Today I am not sure. But what I do know is that I do not like dating any more that I did 11 years ago.  It's hard, and painful, and it causes me to think WAY too much.  So what do I do?  I think the answer is plain and simple and it was said to me 11 years ago.  Just stop looking and thinking so much about it. If it happens it happens.

So for now I will continue to check the dating sites I have signed up on, and I will continue to meet and talk to guys when the opportunity arises. But I am not going to dwell on not having a boyfriend.  I am going to date myself, enjoy my friends and family and when it's right....well you know the rest of it.

Three Strikes and You're...Back at the Plate!

Time stops for no man...or woman. It continues to slip through our hands with no regard to what we want or where we are. Since my last post, over a year ago, so much has transpired. I know that if I were to start posting about the last year, it would take me a year, so I just want to hit on three major life changing events that happened in the last year.

1) In July of 2010, I turned 50. To say that it didn't bother me would be a lie. It did bother me, but I kept up appearances and continued on the same path. I really was not taking care of myself. I had gained a lot of weight, and weighed over 190 pounds. But I remained comfortable and satisfied, or so I thought. The shortly after my 50th birthday, reality started setting in and led to event number two.

 

 

2) In about September or October of 2010, Dan and I ended our ten year relationship. There were a lot of things that brought us to that place, but the bottom line was, it was time. As I said prior I had stopped taking care of myself, and became complacent. Dan became frustrated with my complacency as he was trying to loose weight and take care of himself. Put that on top of my unwarranted jealousy and Dan's desire to have freedom and experience life, we began to move in different directions. In January we finally told our families, and by February Dan met someone and moved out. That didn't last long and he soon moved back in, but only as friends. And now almost a year later we are as best of friends as we have ever been. He goes his way, I go mine and we still share things we schedules permit. I learnt a great deal in this past year, and thanks to my best friend I was able to learn it with him learning the same things, but in a different way. I realize that I no longer need to be dependent on anyone else. Regardless of how much you care about someone, or how much they care about you, we can not put all of our strength, hopes, dreams, goals on them. I am thinking independently again, living somewhat independently again, and finding myself again...and I am doing it with my best friend. Yes, it was hard, after ten years I'd be crazy if it wasn't, but we both are better men for it. Even tho9ugh breaking up was hard to do....the most devastating event that changed my life happened in 2011.

 

 

3) In April of 2011, during a conference call at work, I began to feel somewhat odd. After the meeting I tried to go back to my desk, and never made it. I suffered a mild stroke and was taken to urgent care and then later to Christ Hospital where I stayed for four days. A stroke, at 50 years old!! It was scary, debilitating, frightening, and an emotional wake up call. I soon was able to come back, and there are almost no residual effects from the stroke, but it made me realize many things. I look at each day with different eyes, as well as those around me that I love and cherish.

 

 

Yes, time does move quickly, and things can change in a moment. But even though I suffered three strikes in the past year, I am not out! I am back at the plate, better than ever and ready to hit a home run!!

Last Chapter of 2009

We are coming to the close of another year and with it the close of another chapter of our lives. This was my 49th year and during this year many things took place and changes were made in our lives that will effect us from now on. My son Adam's battle raged on in 2009 and finally by December a reprieve has come as his tumors have shrunk, are not active and in remission. We had loss with the death of an uncle unexpectedly at 59, and DJ's grandfather at the age of 70. We had wedding engagements, Anniversaries and new babies, as my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in July and Dan became an Uncle with the birth of his Nephew, Jayden in August. We also had breakups as my daughter moved back home with her two girls to start off on her own again after 7 years. Health issues continued to rear its ugly head as my diabetes continued to spiral out of control, and finally became controllable only to find out that I may be in the early stages of Andropause...yes that is male menopause and its real, as well as my own scare with skin cancers. We grew a year older and in some cases a wiser. We laughed, we cried and we loved.

Yes many things transpired in 2009, some of them joyous and good, others were not. But, through it all it has taught us that life is so precious, and that family and love are the most important things in this life. If we have those in order everything else will fall into place!

So as we close on 2009, I say thank you and look forward to what 2010 my bring. Who knows maybe I'll get that HDTV this year.... (hint hint).

Celebration!

A lot of great things are happening this next month, and the good news has already begun.  My son Adam had his last radiation treatment on Wednesday and from the preliminary tests it looks like good news!!  We will know more when he has all of his scans, blood work and such later in June but for now he is hospital and chemo/radiation free!!  God is great, and thank all of you for your prayers!

Also next Friday my son Jordan will graduate from High School.  I am so proud of his accomplishments.  He has had a rough time in school, due to his, Asperger's Syndrome but he has stayed in there and worked through it and now will be graduating and is even looking forward to starting college in the fall at Miami University!!  WAY TO GO JORDAN.  Dad is really proud of you 

So as May ends and June begins it looks as though this is going to be a great summer.  We have more graduations, birthdays, anniversaries and new babies coming this summer, so let the celebrations begin!!

Less and Less

No, I am not going to delete my blog or stop posting, but as you can tell the posts are becoming far and few between. One of the main reasons is that I have been bit by the Facebook bug.

Yes, I have been taken in by the FB scourge that has taken over even businesses and schools. I have found several of my High School friends.

So don't quit coming, I will post occasionally. If you are really interested in what is going on and can't wait on the posts find me over at Facebook.

Almost There

For those of you that have read my blog and/or my sons blog "Adam's Journey" you know that my son was diagnosed in November with Hodgkins Disease. We have been in and out of the hospital for the last six months, clinics, tests, blood work, you name it, he's done it. Today was another long and tiring day at Children's Medical Center. Scans, X-rays, Blood work, more scans, and clinic. But it ended with news that we have been praying for since November when Adam was first diagnosed with Stage 4 Hodgkins. Let me see if I can get the exact words of his oncologist...

"From the preliminary reports of the scans today we see no live spots, which means there is no active cancer cells currently in the areas that previously were active. So from these initial reports we can report that his cancer is currently in remission. This does not mean that there are not tumors, as the tumors in his neck are still there in the lymph nodes and have not shrunk from the last scans, but they are currently inactive. The tumors in his chest area are calcified. There are only two "live" spots showing any indication of activity and these we think are from the infection he had three weeks ago and is not cancer activity."

Adam showed little emotion, but then he has showed little emotion from the onset, that is just his personality. He will still have to undergo the radiation which our first "simulation" is set for April 23rd, but this is just an added deterrent to the cancer and hopefully it will remain in remission. Once radiation is complete, then the scans and tests will be completed again and then the doctors will then determine the next course of action, if any.

Today was an amazing day, and an amazing relief, and proof of our Amazing God.

Continue to pray for continued good news!!

April Showers, Hurry Up with the Flowers!

That is what has been going on here in the Cincinnati area for some time now. Showers!! Dreary, cold dank days. If I didn't know any better I would think we were in London.

Not only is it dreary outside, things have been quite dreary since the start of April emotionally as well. On March 31st, my uncle died unexpectedly at 58 years old. He was for all intents and purposes, normal and healthy. He went running that afternoon, which is his normal morning activity and apparently got into his truck to come home, got down the road and had a massive heart attack in the car. He was found dead by the people in the car behind him when they went to investigate why he went off the road. Needless to say the family is completely devastated.

Things at work are good though, or at least from what I can tell. In this climate of dreary days economically we have plenty of work to keep us busy and maintaining our status quo. Tensions are not anxious as I have heard in some places of employment. SO that is a positive here in these dreary April days.

Even speaking athletically here in Cincinnati, it is dreary as it snowed on Cincinnati Reds Opening day festivities, and then the Reds lost.

So if the old adage is true, April showers bring May flowers, I certainly am looking forward to them blooming!...Do you think we could have them a little early???

A Matter of the Heart

The last week or so has been somewhat eventful. Just when we were finally coming to terms with Adam's Hodgkins and dealing with everything that goes with that, I began having some issues. First I started having some pressure in m chest, then my heart began having strange palpitations. Then this continued to all out chest pain. not the heart attack, rush me to the hospital kind of pain, but just "twinges". So a call to the doctor was inevitable.

At the doctor they decided to do an EKG. This showed some abnormalities so a stress test was ordered, which then lended the doctor to advise more tests. Another EKG along with more tests. The doctor said that there is some problem with how i am "wired" and I may need a pacemaker.

Fortunately, a pacemaker was not needed and it looks as though i will be ingesting more medicines, and I guess I am going to have to cut back on the caffeine. I'd say it was mostly stress related, but then I am not a doctor. I feel it just boiled down to a matter of the heart...

Another March Madness

Check out my blog posting regarding March Madness in 2007. Well, it is that time again, and much like the 2007 version, this one is very much the same. However, this year I did play the "brackets". I picked the city in each division that I like or would like to live in and chose them. So in the final four I have Duke, Wake Forest, North Carolina and Memphis, which I narrowed down to Duke and Wake Forest with Wake Forest going all the way. I've been laughed at now for two days, but who cares, it was only 5$.

I hate March Madness for many of the same reasons I hated it in 2007, but another reason is DJ works double shifts throughout this entire fiasco. So for the next three weekends I will not see him at all. Yes, the money is good, and being a bartender during March Madness at a very well-known national sports bar chain, is financially profitable, but I miss my own private bartender!!

Another March will soon be over, and so too will the madness of it all.