Oh Shit! It's Shingles!

Thought I had a spider bite that caused my eye to swell.  So I finally went to the doctor today and it is not a spider bite. It's SHINGLES!! They are in my eyebrow and my eyelid, behind my ear and even in my hairline! Very painful!! Doctor put my on famciclovir and gabapentin. Hopefully this too will pass...

It sucks to get old. 

I hate 2020!

Three Strikes and You're...Back at the Plate!

Time stops for no man...or woman. It continues to slip through our hands with no regard to what we want or where we are. Since my last post, over a year ago, so much has transpired. I know that if I were to start posting about the last year, it would take me a year, so I just want to hit on three major life changing events that happened in the last year.

1) In July of 2010, I turned 50. To say that it didn't bother me would be a lie. It did bother me, but I kept up appearances and continued on the same path. I really was not taking care of myself. I had gained a lot of weight, and weighed over 190 pounds. But I remained comfortable and satisfied, or so I thought. The shortly after my 50th birthday, reality started setting in and led to event number two.

 

 

2) In about September or October of 2010, Dan and I ended our ten year relationship. There were a lot of things that brought us to that place, but the bottom line was, it was time. As I said prior I had stopped taking care of myself, and became complacent. Dan became frustrated with my complacency as he was trying to loose weight and take care of himself. Put that on top of my unwarranted jealousy and Dan's desire to have freedom and experience life, we began to move in different directions. In January we finally told our families, and by February Dan met someone and moved out. That didn't last long and he soon moved back in, but only as friends. And now almost a year later we are as best of friends as we have ever been. He goes his way, I go mine and we still share things we schedules permit. I learnt a great deal in this past year, and thanks to my best friend I was able to learn it with him learning the same things, but in a different way. I realize that I no longer need to be dependent on anyone else. Regardless of how much you care about someone, or how much they care about you, we can not put all of our strength, hopes, dreams, goals on them. I am thinking independently again, living somewhat independently again, and finding myself again...and I am doing it with my best friend. Yes, it was hard, after ten years I'd be crazy if it wasn't, but we both are better men for it. Even tho9ugh breaking up was hard to do....the most devastating event that changed my life happened in 2011.

 

 

3) In April of 2011, during a conference call at work, I began to feel somewhat odd. After the meeting I tried to go back to my desk, and never made it. I suffered a mild stroke and was taken to urgent care and then later to Christ Hospital where I stayed for four days. A stroke, at 50 years old!! It was scary, debilitating, frightening, and an emotional wake up call. I soon was able to come back, and there are almost no residual effects from the stroke, but it made me realize many things. I look at each day with different eyes, as well as those around me that I love and cherish.

 

 

Yes, time does move quickly, and things can change in a moment. But even though I suffered three strikes in the past year, I am not out! I am back at the plate, better than ever and ready to hit a home run!!

Last Chapter of 2009

We are coming to the close of another year and with it the close of another chapter of our lives. This was my 49th year and during this year many things took place and changes were made in our lives that will effect us from now on. My son Adam's battle raged on in 2009 and finally by December a reprieve has come as his tumors have shrunk, are not active and in remission. We had loss with the death of an uncle unexpectedly at 59, and DJ's grandfather at the age of 70. We had wedding engagements, Anniversaries and new babies, as my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in July and Dan became an Uncle with the birth of his Nephew, Jayden in August. We also had breakups as my daughter moved back home with her two girls to start off on her own again after 7 years. Health issues continued to rear its ugly head as my diabetes continued to spiral out of control, and finally became controllable only to find out that I may be in the early stages of Andropause...yes that is male menopause and its real, as well as my own scare with skin cancers. We grew a year older and in some cases a wiser. We laughed, we cried and we loved.

Yes many things transpired in 2009, some of them joyous and good, others were not. But, through it all it has taught us that life is so precious, and that family and love are the most important things in this life. If we have those in order everything else will fall into place!

So as we close on 2009, I say thank you and look forward to what 2010 my bring. Who knows maybe I'll get that HDTV this year.... (hint hint).

A Matter of the Heart

The last week or so has been somewhat eventful. Just when we were finally coming to terms with Adam's Hodgkins and dealing with everything that goes with that, I began having some issues. First I started having some pressure in m chest, then my heart began having strange palpitations. Then this continued to all out chest pain. not the heart attack, rush me to the hospital kind of pain, but just "twinges". So a call to the doctor was inevitable.

At the doctor they decided to do an EKG. This showed some abnormalities so a stress test was ordered, which then lended the doctor to advise more tests. Another EKG along with more tests. The doctor said that there is some problem with how i am "wired" and I may need a pacemaker.

Fortunately, a pacemaker was not needed and it looks as though i will be ingesting more medicines, and I guess I am going to have to cut back on the caffeine. I'd say it was mostly stress related, but then I am not a doctor. I feel it just boiled down to a matter of the heart...

Get Over Already!

Winter, I just want it to get over with! I have had a sore throat for several days and decided that I should finally go to the doctor. I thought I had strep, as it hurt so bad, but thankfully it wasn't.

Unfortunately however I had some other issues. My diabetes seems to be doing fine and my counts were good, now it seems I have an irregular heartbeat. (Which I think I've had a murmur since I was a kid) My regular doctor is out on a medical leave so I got to see the nurse practitioner and she was somewhat alarmed. So an EKG was done in the office and I have to schedule a stress test sometime.

DJ turns 29 on Friday and his mother turns 50 so we are all going out Friday night for a family dinner. Dan chose Applebee's it sounds like a good time, just hope i an shake this cold before then so I can enjoy it.

Ninety-Five Days

95 days is the amount of days that I have been smoke free! Yes, I have actually stopped smoking! I have not said much about it on the blog as I did not want to jinx myself, but I really feel I have quit once and for all!

No, my son being diagnosed with cancer did not prompt this move, I had decided long before we knew about that to quit. It was just becoming an obsession with me. Every time I got into my car, I lit up. Every time i ate, after eating I lit up. While playing on the computer (which is almost 24/7) I would light up. I was up to smoking two packs a day. Not only was it an obsession, it was truly effecting me in ways I knew, but didn't want to see.

I would walk up the three flights of steps to get to my apartment and I would be out of breath. I was diagnosed with diabetes last year, and you can not tell me that smoking did not contribute to that. I felt tired all the time, and food was disgusting...well not that disgusting.

It is amazing how better I feel and how much better food tastes. And I don't smell like an old nasty ashtray anymore. Now I am called a born-again non smoker, as I can not even handle the smell of it.

How did I do it? I'd like to say I did it through my own will power, but unfortunately I had to have a little help. I call them my happy pills. Wellbutrin, really helped me overcome the desire and the cravings for the tobacco. Hey whatever it takes, right?

2009 Update

I know it has been a month since my last real post, however with Adam's diagnosis and hospital visits, the holidays and moving, time has just not allowed me to post as much as I would like. So for a quick update...

ADAM: He is doing very well. He has had two sessions of chemo already and is tolerating them extremely well. The tumors have already went down considerably. At least the ones we can see, the ones in the lung we are not sure of yet. A pet scan is going to be done on the 12th of January and once we get the results we will know if the chemo is doing what it is supposed to be doing. You can follow his journey with Hodgkins at his blog ADAM'S JOURNEY

HOLIDAYS: The same as last year only we are all another year older. Actually Christmas was very nice and it was good to have all the family together again. My daughter came down from Columbus on Christmas Eve, so all four of my kids were here as were my grand kids. It was very nice. DJ and i did not exchange gifts this year, however we did buy some new rings for one another. they are titanium carbide, and look very nice with one single diamond in the center. This is the first time in the almost 9 years we have been together that we have really nice rings.
New Years was uneventful, well not really, but i can not share right now. I will let you know in a few days what the "secret" is. We had a little get together New Years Eve with DJ's family, which is always nice. I enjoy his family and the bond they seem to have. It is good to bring in the new year with them.

MOVING: Yes, we have moved again. Just down the street into a two bedroom apartment. With Adam spending more and more time with us, I felt it was time to get him and J2 their own room to share when they are here. The place is very nice and has not only two bedrooms but two baths as well! That is almost a necessity with four "almost" men in the house.

Starting Now

I have been a smoker off and on since I was about 17. So that is roughly 30 years, give or take a few years here and a few years there. Actually I've probably smoked for about 21 years as I did quit for quite a while while I was married and when my kids were little.

But today starts a new chapter. A chapter that does not include cigarettes. I finished my last pack and now I will use the nicotine patches to assist me in my goal. I've wanted to quite for sometime, as I know my health is paying for this nasty habit. I actually don't even like the taste of cigarettes, but apparently the nicotine receptors in my brain are thinking otherwise. I need to stop, I want to stop and quite honestly I have to stop! I want to live to see my grand kids have kids. I also want to be around for DJ as long as I possibly can, so hopefully this will allow me to do that.

I am about a pack a day smoker, so I know it could be worse. I have friends that smoke two packs a day! With DJ out in LA I hope that this will be a good time as any to put this beast behind me, and then work on him when he returns so we can beat this together.

Okay all, I am counting on all of you remind me of the dangers of smoking and make sure I just continue to say NO!

So starting now the countdown begins....

Two Times a Charm?

Yeah, I got it again. The damn flu! twice in less than 30 days. It hit me Wednesday while at work and I thought I had actually beat it, but by 8:30 my fever spiked to worlds unknown and I was actually hallucinating! Was in the bed, out all day Thursday and most of the day Friday. Aches, headache, fever, the big D word, chills, sweats, no appetite and just plain drained of any energy whatsoever.

Finally today I was able to sit up without getting dizzy and actually took a shower, as I am sure I stunk. Unfortunately DJ also got the bug, even though he did nurse me all day Thursday, by Friday he too was in bed. We were a mess. Now I am dealing with the blah feeling and some aches, and severe congestion and coughing, but hopefully the worst is behind me. It has hit our area hard, several people at work have been out, and DJ's employer had to cancel a meeting due to all his employees that were sick.

Let's hope that this is it for the flu and me this year. I can not afford anymore sickness!!

The Reason Why...

Well hello! I have been told that I need to update my blog. I was excited actually. I didn't think anyone was even reading it, but I get not one but several requests to update??? Great! Thanks for reading, but since my last post things have went a little...crazy.

First of all my grand-daughter was hospitalized after a high fever caused by an ear infection caused her to go into seizures. We found out that this is somewhat common when infants have a spike in a fever. However, Alana continued to seize almost 50 minutes, which caused concern for the medical professionals treating her and fear for her parents. But everything is back to normal in my daughter's household, Alana is back home with no ill side effects. Mommy is doing well after the scare and the new baby is due February 29th. A Leap year baby.

Then last week I caught my own bug, Thursday I awoke to flu-like symptoms and continued to get worse as the day progressed and finally had to leave work and miss Friday. I was sick most of the weekend, finally feeling somewhat back to normal on Sunday.

So all the sickness has passed for the year. Let's hope anyway. It's not even the middle of January and I have had enough to do me the rest of the year. Think positive, right?

So that is my lame excuse for not blogging as often as I had promised, but for those of you out there that do read my postings, I will continue to try and stay well, and post more often.

Speaking of posting, it's that time of the year for all those awards shows. You all know how I love them, and I was deeply hurt that the Golden Globes were cancelled, but the winners were still announced and no suprises in my mind. Like the winners, Daniel Day-Lewis and Johnny Depp. Moveis like Sweeny Todd and Atonement. I just pray that the Oscars do not get cancelled. OMG! What will I do on Oscar night???

FOCUS

I know that Halloween is not the season for resolutions, but I've made a few the last few days. Yes, I'm going to share, just so that I can have someone to account to when I blow it. So all you readers out there keep me in check.

First of all I am deleting all my other blogs. I had several, but now I am down to three. I just don't have time to keep up with the other two. Even though I love them and enjoyed working on my moive mania, they have fallen off way worse than this blog.

Second, I am going to try and post more often on this blog. If I only have this one to write on, maybe, just maybe I will write more often. Maybe? We'll see, but I am going to try.

Third, I have decided to have a new motto at work. Give it my all. 120% and then go home. What I mean is that I always try to give my best, over and beyond, but I tend to bring it home with me. The stress of the day, the aggravation of the situations I may have experienced, and yes even the pleasantries my job does offer. Leave those there, when I am at home I need to focus on home, and when at work I need to focus on work. Duplicity you say? Maybe just a bit.

Fourth, I really really want to stop smoking. I have been on Chantix for about three weeks, and I am still smoking. Not as much mind you, but they are still there. I want to quit, I need to quit and according to my doctor, I HAVE to quit. So let's see how that works.

So here they are.

FOCUS

That is my resolution.

Focus on my blog more

Focus while at work, on work

Focus at home

and Focus at quitting smoking.

Now if I could just focus my eyes. I think it's time to go to the eye doctor and get the prescription checked into. That will be 5.

Working on a New Me.

I knew there was some reason why I hadn't been to the doctor for a check-up. As most of you know if you read my blog, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes on August 4. Since then things have been going pretty well. I got my drugs, and watching my diet and I have been able to maintain my blood sugars pretty good. It is amazing how much better I feel and even my vision is getting some better.

Then today the doctor's office called to give me my blood work results that I had done on Friday. My LDL was 137, which should be about 110. My HDL which should be around 60 was only 31, which in itself the doctor said wasn't real bad, but was high borderline, but my Triglycerides were 204, which was not good at all. My total cholesterol was 214, which should be below 200. So it looks as though I get to start taking some more drugs!

He is also putting me on Chantix. A new non-smoking drug. With my diabetes and the cholesterol I definitely need to throw away the cigarettes, but I've been smoking since I was 17, that is 30 years!! So I definitely will need help. The drug is somewhat expensive, but compared to the cost of cigarettes and the toll it has apparently taken on my body, I think I will opt for the drugs.

So over the next few weeks, while moving into a new home, I will be working on a new me. Hey, I'm even go to start an exercise program! The only exercise I really get now is my hand...no, not what you think, it's from moving my computer mouse over the mouse pad!

It could be worse. My son's father-in-law died Sunday of a massive coronary and he was only 42 years old. So luckily I caught this early and I can get it under control. I plan on being around to see my grandchildren marry and have babies of their own.

A New Toy

I got a new toy today...

Now before your mind goes to the gutter, it is a blood glucose meter.

It's actually quite interesting. It takes my test results (after I poke myself with this needle that is triggered in a nice "pricking" mechanism) and places them in a category, before meal, after meal so on and so forth. It also comes with a port that I can attach to my computer and send my results right to the doctor's office!! Technology is amazing isn't it?

So I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes today. Yeah, I got a bit depressed, but to be honest I'm glad I know, now I can treat it and hopefully start feeling better. None of the symptoms or problems I have been having over the past few months have been due to my MS, but instead are diabetic related.

When I arrived at the doctor's office they took my blood glucose and it was 310. 100 is where they would like for it to be. So the doctor came in, I gave him the low-down about my diet, my family history and then he began to tell me his treatment. Which consists right now of two medications, one that I take with breakfast (yes, I am going to have to start eating breakfast, bummer huh?) and another I take after meals, before dinner. He says I should start seeing and feeling results within a few days.

I also have to take my blood glucose test periodically throughout the day, first thing in the morning before I eat, then one hour after meals and then before bed. This will give him an idea of where I am at, and how to better treat me.

All in all, I think I can deal with this. I mean I've dealt with MS for 16 years, and I know that now I have diabetes, so now I can change my eating and exercise habits to try and help myself. Or do nothing and wind up shortening my life expectancy. Which do I want? Dumb question huh?

So begins another chapter in my life. Stay tuned, I'm sure it's going to get better. Especially once I get my sugar under control, the doctor wants to work on me quitting smoking!!

Preventative Medicine

Today was like any other Monday. I got up got my shower, dressed and headed out to work. About 20 minutes into my 40 minute commute I started having sharp abdominal pains. I figured it was just gas, and went on it to work. By 8:30 the sharp abdominal pains turned into full blow pain. I drank so water, lots of water, went to the bathroom and the pain began to subside. Then I tried to eat lunch and the pains increased to the point I couldn't walk or sit.

My attorney finally convinced me that I needed to leave and get to the doctor. After 8 hours in the Er I found the culprit, well they found the culprit. I still have the bacterial infection that I finished my antibiotics for on Sunday. I had a CT Scan, blood work and gave a urine sample. Afterwards I was given antibiotics intravenously. They also found out that my glucose level was pretty high in my urine sample, so another blood test was done and my sugar was at 286!

They diagnosed me with onset diabetes and informed me I need to see my family doctor immediately. Other than going to the doctor for my annual MS tests I do not go to the doctor. In the last three years I think I've been six maybe two days at the most. This year already has turned into a medical nightmare.

The ER doctor told me that if I would have at least an annual visit to a general practitioner they could have found the problem with the diabetes much sooner, I guess a lot can be said for preventative medicine.

So I will follow up tomorrow with a GP and see what lies ahead for me regarding my sugar. Hopefully they have found it soon enough and I can take something by mouth to keep it in check. Life is full of surprises, isn't it?

Under the Weather

Well we got the freezing rain, snow and sub-zero temps they said we were going to get. Sometimes, unfortunately the weather forecasters get it right. But not only did we get the weather, I got something else. Some bug.

I have felt like shit for three days and finally today, after leaving work early on Thursday I just could not go to work. All day today I laid in bed. It's some kind of respitory infection I guess, but I am so exhausted all I can do is sleep.

Valentines Day came and went, and of course DJ thought of me and bought me some chocolates and The Departed DVD. The movie is great. Pure edrenelin rush. Damon, DiCaprio, Wahlburg and of course Nicholson was fantastic. Not giving any secrets away, but there is plenty of people getting killed and suspense, action and just plain good acting and film-making. I see this taking home the gold for Best Picture, it was that good. I know not a Valentines gift you'd expect, but DJ knows my love of movies and knew how much I wanted this one. He is too good to me. And what is an appropriate Valentine's Day gift?

Tomorrow Will Be Better

Things have got to start happening soon! I'm loosing it. I've been sick again, since Monday. For three days now all I can do is lay in bed on on the couch. My entire body feels like it weighs twice it's weight and my head is just swimming. Not to mention I woke up Monday with a strange problem in my left eye.

I have a perfectly shaped dark circle in my center line of vision. You know when a falsh from a camera goes off and for a few minutes you have this circle in your eye and your vision is just a bit blurred? Well Mine has been like that since Monday and it seems to get worse with the fact that I am sick.

DJ is wanting to get things moved into storage and I just do not have the energy. Not to mention that I'm not real keen on the idea of moving into his mother's basement, but what else are we going to do? I need to get out and start actively looking for work again, but I just don't have the energy.

I'm not sure if the weakness and the eye problem are part of MS, or due to my being so depressed. Probably a mixture of all of it thrown together. Whatever the reason I can not afford to go to the doctor to find out, which causes me that much more anguish and frustration.

Tomorrow will be better.

Interview-2 Earache-3

I going on another interview this morning. This is my first interview with this company and my second interview all together. Only two interviews in one month, I need to step up my efforts a bit.

This is also the third night in a row, I've had little or no sleep thanks to the alien that is growing in my left ear. I'm eating advil for the pain, and DJ did go and get me some drops last night. They seemed to have helped a bit, but now the entire canal is swollen, so it's hard for the drops to penetrate to the infection.

So off to the interview, I hope this guy has a loud voice, otherwise I will not be able to hear the interview questions.

Pain Pain Go Away!

Please, come again some other day!

For the last two days I have been living, no suffering immensely, with an earache. There a two types of pain that I prefer to never have. One of those is a toothache and the other is an earache. I know what has caused this pain, which has caused lack of sleep, lack of any type of comfortable position, and lack of any sex what so ever.

Swimming. Yes I went swimming three times last week and I now have swimmer's ear. I've tried everything, but no end in sight. And of course I have no $$ so I can not go to the pharmacy which is only about three blocks from house and purchase some ear drops. So it's advil and warm compresses for me until this thing empties out all the bacterial infected water I have floating in my ear.

Insomnia

I never realized the inability to sleep was so life altering. I mean I've heard the word, and knew what it meant but never having the problem, I had no idea what it really was all about. Personally I don't recommend it.

All my life I have been one that loves to sleep in. You know those Saturday mornings when most kids get up early to watch the Saturday morning cartoons? (Back in the day when they had Saturday morning cartoons) Well that wasn't me. I would stay in bed as long as possible or until my mother would yell at me with..."Michael are you going to sleep your life away? Get up!"

In the first few years of my marriage (to my now ex wife) I worked 2nd shift. I would go to work at three p.m. come home at midnight go to bed and sleep until almost 1:30 in the afternoon. It may have been the fact that I was a gay man trying to live a straight life so I just preferred to sleep and not deal with it, but for what ever the reason, I was a sleeper.

Not any more.

It all started about 6 months ago. I started staying up late, and soon it became a habit. DJ would go to bed and I would get on the computer and plays SIMS or post on my blog. Then I would read all of your blogs and suddenly it was 3 or 4 in the morning. Then I seen the error of my ways, as I was always bitchy and had headaches, so I limited my computer time and started going to bed before midnight. Instead of falling to sleep I would lay there in bed looking at...Well nothing because it was dark. I'd get up, watch TV, get on the computer and again finally go to bed at 3 or 4 am. Even on my day off when I could sleep in, I'd be up at 5 or 6.

Finally I discussed this with my doctor and he suggested that I take medication, which I refused, as I don't like taking prescription medication. (a long story for another post) So instead I opted to get something less medicated and get an over-the-counter sleep aid. Nada, nothing. So then I tried Tylenol PM at my mother's suggestion. She has suffered from insomnia for quite a while, and she started taking it with great results. Well that worked. I'd go to bed at around 10 pm, fall asleep and sleep like a log. No waking up in the middle of the night, no sitting up until 3 or 4 am. But the problem was that I wouldn't wake when the alarm would go off. It would buzz and buzz and I'd sleep right through it. Making me late for work, and making my entire day just miserable. So... Instead of the recommended dosage of two pills before bed, I went to one. Same effect. Sleep right through the alarm and still feel like shit all day. Groggy and lifeless.

My sleep debt was piling up. My body was suffering from the effects, as well as my relationship with the one I love and adore. Not to mention my job. So finally something worked. I broke the Tylenol PM in half. That's right a half a pill and so far...Knock on wood, it's working.

I know they say that as you get older the less sleep you need. And maybe it's the fact that I slept so much in my earlier days, that I don't sleep now. Or it is as the doctor said and my MS is causing me to have this problem. Whatever it is, I wish it would go away. So far the half pill is working and I hope it continues because I love my bed and "blankies", all those pillows and cuddling up to DJ as we fall asleep. Not to mention the dreams.

Oh dear look at the time, I have to get to bed.