A Little Pain Goes A Long Way

It's been almost a year.

That is almost a year since my visit to the neurologist. Since being diagnosed with MS in 1992 I've had my share of doctors, medication, new drugs, MRI machines and spinal taps. Just for the record, they don't really tap on your spinal in a spinal tap, they drain fluid from it, like tapping a maple tree for it's syrup.

Anyway, my annual exam was Tuesday. I left work early and headed to the torture chamber. I had the MRI, which is bearable, and then the needles. Needles and I don't have a problem. Like I said before I've had my share of them over the past 15 years. But this time was going to be different. I had a trainee. Yes, a trainee spinal tapist. To be honest I do not think that should be allowed in the medical profession, trainees? No, but I guess they have to learn some how.

After my little trainee done the dastardly deed, I laid for an hour afterwards and then went my merry way home to await the results. At 2:00 a.m. Wednesday morning I awoke with the most excruciating head pain I have ever experienced in my life. So much so I was not only nauseous, but literally blinded by the pain. I missed an entire day of work and stayed in bed the entire day.

But no pain, no gain right? I got the results from the tests today, and the doctor tells me that I am in remission and not only that. but it looks like it has come to a halt, as the damage done back several years ago is beginning to repair itself! He found it quite exciting, as it's rare for this to be occurring. Nevertheless, it's great news to me.

Tomorrow Will Be Better

Things have got to start happening soon! I'm loosing it. I've been sick again, since Monday. For three days now all I can do is lay in bed on on the couch. My entire body feels like it weighs twice it's weight and my head is just swimming. Not to mention I woke up Monday with a strange problem in my left eye.

I have a perfectly shaped dark circle in my center line of vision. You know when a falsh from a camera goes off and for a few minutes you have this circle in your eye and your vision is just a bit blurred? Well Mine has been like that since Monday and it seems to get worse with the fact that I am sick.

DJ is wanting to get things moved into storage and I just do not have the energy. Not to mention that I'm not real keen on the idea of moving into his mother's basement, but what else are we going to do? I need to get out and start actively looking for work again, but I just don't have the energy.

I'm not sure if the weakness and the eye problem are part of MS, or due to my being so depressed. Probably a mixture of all of it thrown together. Whatever the reason I can not afford to go to the doctor to find out, which causes me that much more anguish and frustration.

Tomorrow will be better.

Progression

To progress should be a good thing. You progress towards a goal to gain many things; experience, financial security, maturity, etc.

Well in my case progression was not a good word yesterday.

I spent my afternoon at the neurologist. It seems that my MS is no longer in remission and it is progressing quite rapidly. The lesions are growing and have now moved from my brain stem to my spine. He has warned me that I probably will begin to experience symptoms that I have not experienced before. They are aggressively treating the disease, but with MS there is no cure yet. All they can do is treat the symptoms and try and retard the progression.

He also has begun steps to file for partial disability, to try and see what he can do to alleviate some of the stress in my life. Personally, not being able to work or even the thought of it REALLY stresses me out. The doctor has suggested that I find something that I can do from home. Yeah right. That won't pay the bills. He has also suggested that I see a therapist to deal with my emotional pain and depression that I am experiencing as he stated it will probably become worse as the disease progresses.

But to look at the other side of the situation, I may very well go back into remission and not have any further problems, just the effects of what has already been damaged.

Maybe I can progress towards that end.

Shooting Up

As most of you know that read my blog, I suffer from MS (Multiple Sclerosis). I was diagnosed almost 14 years ago and since that time, my symptoms have become progressively worse. Fortunate for me, I have the most common form of MS, Relapsing/Remitting, which means that the disease can resurface and I have a bout with it, and then it can go into remission for weeks, months, even years.

For the past two years I have been going to my neurologist about every three months for injections of COPAXONE® . This drug has done wonders with me and the lesions have stopped spreading. But he feels it is time to become more aggressive with this treatment and has suggested self injections. The doses would be smaller, but I could take them more frequently and studies have shown that people that have been using this have had remarkable results.

I am all about wanting to feel good, and try and live a more normal life with this disease, but shooting up?! I'm not too sure about that. I mean I hate needles and the thought that I would inject myself every week or so just gives me the willies. I mean when I go every quarter for my doctor to inject me, I become nervous and break out into a cold sweat when he comes towards me with that foot long needle. All I want to do is jump off that table and run to my mommy. And then he injects it near my spine for rapid effect. Then I have to lay flat of my back for a good 40 minutes to make sure it is effective. And I don't even get a lollipop afterwards!

There would be no way I could do that at home! Or even if I let DJ inject me, I'd be freaking out.

The doctor wants me to think about this, for a couple of reasons, one it is more aggressive, and the more aggressive we can be with treatment the less episodes I could have to deal with and secondly, a visit to the doctor every time I need one of these injections could become quite costly, as we live in America where health care cost is the highest in the world. One injection at his office can be as much as $1300.00. And of course I do not have anycompanyy provided health coverage. So here I am. You'd think it would be a simple choice. Just do the home injections and get over it. Well I'm not quite that simple. I still have some of that "Drama Queen" attitude going on in my head, especially about shooting a needle into my body.

I think I need to think on this a little bit longer.